Friday, February 27, 2015

Been a lazy week.

Because of the chinese new year holidays, I have been relatively lazy.

And I shouldn't be.

My exams are in two months time.

So it's time to buck up and go full gear.

It doesn't help that my head and heart are not in a focused point. 

I am too busy thinking about something else that is not exam related.

And I should stop.

Anyhow, it's just time I get up and go for my exams!!

Friday, February 20, 2015

The life of an ENFP

I have taken so many personality quizzes in my life but my favourite has always been the Myers-Briggs personality quiz.

You can take the quiz here. Or you can google it and find a more accurate one according to your taste. Your choice.

I have found the Myers-Briggs personality quiz to be the easiest to take and the results are quite accurate. Not only that, the results are understandable too.
Harder ones are sometimes too complicated but I love those too.

Anyhow, I am an ENFP.
In some ways, it's quite true. I am that way, in some sense.

But of course, I have to remember that the personality type result is not everything. I am more than just an ENFP. I am also a person. 
But having a personality type result do help to explain alot of things and make  you feel less alone at times. lol.

Anyhow, as an ENFP, we have a major problem at times.
We are both feeling and intuitive.
So that means, we are good at perceiving things and noticing little details of people. We like to pretend that we understand people or are learning to understand them.
We like looking for symbols and signs and finding the meaning in them.

But sometimes, there is no symbol or hidden meaning.
Sometimes, we are so eager to find symbols and interpret so hidden meanings.
And there is none.
And that is when we get it so wrong.

When ENFP gets it right, we get it right but when we get it wrong, we get it so wrong.

I been talking to someone lately.
And like usual, my ENFP senses kicked in. 
I started to look for symbols and everything. 
I started trying to discover hidden meanings.

And now, I don't even know if I have created these "hidden meanings" and put them in or if it's real.

This is where being an ENFP is tough because I clearly want to know the truth but at the same time, I am so afraid that it will create an awkwardness.

So yea.

Sighs.



Friday, February 13, 2015

Growing up?



Recently, I visited a friend in a hospital with other friends because she had dengue fever. As I visited her in the hospital, all of a sudden, I felt very grown up. 

Maybe, it's because most of my university classmates are turning 21 this year and I can tell that some of them takes it seriously. They do throw parties and such.

I turned 21 last year however, it never quite mean anything to me because I didn't have time to think about it. I had to focus on my exams and so that drowned out all thoughts about turning 21.

Even though I did turn 21 and that was supposed to signify that I have now become a grown up but I never quite felt like an adult.

Well, I wouldn't say that I feel like a child or a teenager. But I feel like I am in between the transition of a teenager and an adult. I am neither here or there.
And at first, I did feel left out because through facebook, I could see that most of my high school classmates have grown into adults through their dressings and certain mannerisms.

And then, there was me.
Still clad in my t-shirt and jeans.
Still rocking out to my favourite music.
Still watching my anime.

Point is, it doesn't seem like I changed alot, externally.

However, I have to admit that I have changed alot internally.
Going through A-levels opened up my eyes in so much ways.
And then I'm currently doing my degree, that has also opened up my mind in ways I couldn't imagine. 

Internally I changed so much that sometimes it surprises me. It just feels that I am so far away from my past but at the same time, not. 
I know that sentence is contradictory but that's because as much as I have changed and as much as that is very different from my past, it isn't. The reason for that is because, the change that I had is me becoming who I truly am.

I have begun to embrace myself, weirdness and all. I stopped hiding the fact that I am flawed and weird. In a way, I accepted myself. Flaw and all.

I didn't accept myself in the past. I just thought that I accepted myself but I didn't but I was slowly getting there. 

Anyway, I digress. I felt grown up all of sudden and it was a really interesting feeling. I was also oddly enough very comfortable with that thought.

Even though I didn't quite have absolute control of my life yet but I did feel that my life is in my hands and my future is for me to make.
And that feels absolutely exciting, electric and exhilarating.
But of course, I am not without fears and doubts.

I am only human but the excitement and exhilaration is much higher than the fears and doubts.
Who knows what will happen from now on but I know that I will definitely enjoy the ride.  

Friday, February 6, 2015

Music

Music conveys a lot.

And for me, there's often a few songs that I relate to or managed to say a situation that I went through before really well.

I just found a song that managed to say a situation that I felt before really well. A song that I really connected to on a spiritual level.
I haven't found a song that ever talked about a situation like this before so this song is the first and it suits it really well too.



I embedded the video here. However, do ignore the video because it is a little weird. Even I can't watch it. I just listen to the music but ignore the video completely.



I am going to paste the translation lyrics here.


The seasons die out, one after another; the voice of death becomes wind
A man not susceptible to the charms of the city looks up at the moon and notices how unrefined it all is.

In a life stuck in mud, the rain itself tastes of alcohol
With eyes filled with apathy as they wander the city, I’m an innocent man acting suspiciously at the station.
In order to uphold the unsteady fact that I'm me, it's like my half-transparent shadow is has come to life.
If I were to sing in the rain, would the clouds part? My life is all dried up in the midst of this bustling summer.

Dear My Loathsome Past, to you I offer this poem of farewell!
I have to cast away the remains of these days that can't get any worse, these most terrible dreams, even if it kills me.
For in the next life, a flower will bloom to tell you a poem of transition;
A song filled with suffering, of which to grieve and moan, but never to die out even if it is starved of sunlight.

Tomorrows dies out, one after another even if you hurry, you'll miss them as they become the past,
But to we who hurry through life, our flames are fickle, and we're always adding meaning after the fact.
Even if your insecure self despise you, wondering if you’re you.

When you sing, the darkness may be dispelled? This is just a life given by a rotten dream.

Dear My Loathsome Past, to you I offer this poem of farewell!
I have to cast away the remains of these days that can't get any worse, these most terrible dreams, even if it kills me.
For in the next life, a flower will bloom to tell you a poem of transition;
A song filled with suffering, of which to grieve and moan, but never to die out even if it is starved of sunlight.

With a tired face, limping along; squinting at the reflected sunset;
We spend some time wondering if we should go or head on back. I'm sure we'll face hardship; but after the slightest hesitation, we straighten up and head onward.
That's right, we have to go! Even with nothing, we have to go on living!
After all, our lives were just picked up along the way we'll leave them here as we proceed, what little they are.

Dear The Long Gone Past I Reflect Upon, to you I offer this poem of nostalgia;
If I think of days that couldn't get any worse, those most terrible dreams, you seem so far away!
Our flowers will wilt one day, and return to the circle of rebirth;
A song filled with suffering, of which to grieve and moan, but never to die out even if it is starved of sunlight.

The seasons revive, one after another.


I relate to this song because like this person, I did have a past that I didn't quite enjoy.
Or rather, I didn't quite like my past self at times because of the actions she took or the thoughts she had.
But to say I hate her is wrong.

I know some people might think that this song is about a person hating his past self but I disagree.
If anything, I think this song is about a person saying goodbye to his past self.
He is saying farewell to his past.

Like this song, my past self was dark.
I had very bad days and terrible moments.
In the past, I thought this moments would last forever.
But in the end, it didn't.
And I am better now.

So in a way, this song also makes me feel like saying farewell to my ugly past.
(I mean, I said farewell a long time ago but this song is bringing up these farewell feelings in me)

It's not that I am forgetting my past.
Not at all.
I am just bidding it farewell.
I am just allowing myself to move on.

This is a song about moving forward.
And it's so beautifully done.
The lyrics and the vocals too.


Friday, January 30, 2015

Ipad Mini


Anyway, I recently bought an Ipad Mini. 

But my Ipad is not like the one above. It's not silver. It's space gray. Well, it's as close as black as I can get and personally, I love black. So yea.

Quite a few people come up to me and asked me why I would buy an Ipad Mini first generation when the third generation is out. According to some people, I should have atleast bought the second generation.

Well, let me just say something here.

I did alot of research before I bought that Ipad Mini.
Trust me.
I know what I am doing.

Buying this Ipad Mini made me realize exactly what sort of consumer that I am.
And I am proud that I consume this way.

I am the type of consumer who will search up your features, prices and etc.
I will do my best to find out about the device and what features do what.
And I will try to match my needs and wants to the exact device that will serve that purpose.

I wanted to buy the Ipad Mini for university.
It was so that I didn't have to print so many tutorials, past years and etc.
And I can view it all comfortably from the Ipad Mini.
It would be mobile and convenient.

So I needed an Ipad Mini that fitted that need and want.

The Ipad Mini 2 and 3 are basically the same as Ipad Mini 1 except that the Ipad Mini 2 has a retina screen, hence, needing the A7 chip processor while the Ipad Mini 3 has a retina screen and touch ID.
I don't need the retina screen or touch ID.
Retina screen just means a clearer screen.

I need a screen that works.
I am not gonna watch HD movies on the thing. Just do homework and tutorials and maybe read alot.
So yea.
A clearer screen may not be too good for my eyes too because I am a visual.
And that means, too much clarity and HD-ness gives me sensory overload. That's why certain movies in the cinema gives me a headache because there's just so much information for my brain to crunch.

I love clarity but when every single detail is well done. I end up going through every detail, trying to appreciate everything as quick as possible and that's just not possible when every single detail is well done.
Appreciation takes time.
Surprisingly, I am actually quite a detailed person when it comes to movies.
I say quite because there are people out there who are extremely detailed. LIKE EXTREMELY.

So yea.

When I chose to purchase that device, I knew exactly what I was doing.
I did my research and sat down, thinking about whether I should buy this for a whole week.
My buying buffer time is a week. If I still want it after a week, then, I will buy it because it really means I want it.

Let me tell you something, when I chose to buy it, I felt extremely excited.

And now that I have it in my hands, it feels like a dream come true. I am ecstatic. 

Is this consumerism? Yes, it is.
But you know what, it's alright. As long as I am happy, it's good.

Anyhow, this whole ordeal revealed exactly what sort of consumer I am.

I am the type that will do all of my research, think hard and weigh the advantages and disadvantages before buying.

And once I buy it, I will try out all the features atleast once just so that I know what it can do.
I would also watch video tutorials on how to use or what are the features of the device.

I feel extremely happy when I am maximizing the usage of the things I buy. 

Very economist like? Well, I guess it only shows that I truly meant to be an economist. And no, my course did not make me this way.
I have always been this way.

Friday, January 23, 2015

Life and infinite possibilities.



Recently, I have felt extremely happy and excited to be alive. 

Anyhow, recently, I was wondering if I should buy an Ipad Mini for university purposes. I thought hard and long about it. 

Well, in the end, I decided to get one.

But as I was thinking if I should get one, my thoughts went to so many places that it was really interesting.

It was in that moment that I realized that life had infinite possibilities. Anything can happen. So much things can happen that it is brilliant.
Problem is, we have time and money constraints.

That makes me a little sad. 
However, that shouldn't stop us from knowing that life itself is brilliant with infinite possibilities and this fact makes me really excited for life itself.

I am a greedy person though. If it's possible, I want them all. However, in life, that's not quite possible. So choices have to be made.

When you know so much infinite possibilities exists, sometimes, that makes it hard to decide. 
The reason that it is hard is because when you decide, you feel like you are limiting yourself.

But decisions have to be made.
And so, in the end, I did make one.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

Week 2 of 2015

 
Well, it's the second week of 2015.

How are things for me?

It's alright, I suppose.

Achieving new year resolutions are never easy.

It's an interesting journey with ups and downs.

Just this week alone, I had moments where it felt really hard to keep my new year resolutions and other times, it feels easier.

But life is that way. So yea.