Friday, October 31, 2014

Emotions.


I do admit that sometimes emotions are messy, annoying and loud.
I do understand why some people might hate their emotions or having emotions. 

However for me, I have never truly hated my emotions.

Personally, I have always liked to sit down and pick my emotions out bit by bit. 
I like to try to understand why I feel a certain way and sometimes, that helps to give me back some control.

That's why most of the times, I understand why I feel a certain way.
When I am aware why I feel a certain way, I can sometimes slowly change my own emotions consciously.

However, there are times when the emotion is so overwhelming that even though I understand why I feel this way, there is still no way to relief myself from these emotions.

This is where I feel extremely lucky that I write.

I still remember a period in my life where I was extremely upset and at that point, I didn't really quite understand why.
But I wrote.
I remember carving out my emotions and inserting them in a story.

I remember creating the characters from those emotions.
I remember sculpting them.
I remember the intensity when I wrote.
How I blocked everything out and just focused on this story.

By the time I was done, the story and the characters were complete.
It was a rather sad story with loads of suffering and pain.

But the funny thing is, creating this story have helped me healed.
Watching the characters fight back and persevere against the pain and suffering has given me strength.
Creating this story has also somewhat helped me figure out why I felt the way I felt and it has also helped me release the overwhelming tension of my emotions.

And that is why I write.

It's not because I have a talent in it.
It's because I don't really have choice.
It's because it's the only way I know how to express myself and my emotions.
It's because it's the only way to sometimes stop the noise in my head.

With NaNoWriMo coming tomorrow, I just wanted to make a post on what makes me a writer or rather, why I write.

Thursday, October 23, 2014

busy, busy, busy.


Well, school started and it's only one month in but it's been getting really busy.

Yes, I been busy.
I just hate it how people assume I am free or that my course is easier because I am taking something related to finance and that my course has no assignments.
Guess what, they are wrong.
This course isn't easy.
Seriously, the next idiot who says that about my course will get a textbook thrown at them.

There is alot of reading and understanding involved in my course. So, that takes time.

I been a little stressed because I feel that :
1) I don't have enough time ever
2) I am taking a long time to read and understand the subject matter
3) I feel stupid compared to my other classmates.

I'm beginning to find that the worse enemy is yourself.

Because I am feeling stressed and frustrated due to the fact that I feel that I am not good enough or that I am not doing enough.

And sincerely, I need to stop.

Because these emotions won't be helpful for me. They just make me feel stressed and sad.


I need to seriously calm down.

I need to seriously stop being so hard with myself.

There's nothing wrong with working hard but I shouldn't make myself feel bad by feeling like I am behind.

Because I am not behind.


I just need to focus on my studies and just put all these emotions behind.
I just need to realize that everything is going to be alright.
I just need to be kinder to myself.

So from today onwards, I am banning myself for calling myself stupid, lazy or any bad words that could potentially upset me.
I am just not going to say anything bad about myself.
If anything, I am going to just say positive things like stay calm or you can do it.

So yea.

A lecturer once told me, this is not a sprint. This is a marathon. You'll need to learn to pace yourself.
And guess what, I think he is right.

Friday, October 17, 2014

Emotional rollercoaster.


This week has been an emotional rollercoaster for me.

I don't know why exactly but my emotions has been all over the place.

Anger.
Frustration.
Happiness.
Boredom.
Stress.

But I guess that's just school talking.

But I really need to learn relax and calm down.

Because I panic, get frustrated and angry really easily.

Yup. 


Friday, October 10, 2014

What a life.


Honestly, when I turned 21, I must admit that I felt a little scared and unsure.

I don't know why but when I turned 21, I didn't feel 21.
What I mean is, I don't quite feel like an adult.

I don't feel like I am in complete control of my life.
And I certainly feel like maybe, I am being left out.

I see everyone around me who turned 21 and they all seem so 21.
They have nice parties.
They wear pretty dresses.
They walk around like they are grown up.

And then, you have me.

But as time passes by, I don't feel like that anymore.

I mean, yes, I may not wear pretty dresses or whatever.
But I am okay with that now.

In the past, I felt all these pressure. I felt like I was missing out.
But not anymore.

So now, I just worry about what I am doing.

And honestly, I am very happy with the life I lead.
In fact, I consider myself very lucky.

I am studying what I like.
I like the feeling of constantly learning.
And yes, even though the university work load is a little insane and overwhelming,
I must admit that I enjoy learning this stuff.
I have some pretty awesome classmates that I truly have fun with when I do see them in university.

It's good.

And I feel like life can't get any better than this.

And honestly, I want this moment to last forever.

But I know life.

This moment will not last forever.

One day, it will come to an end too.

And so, I really have to appreciate right now.

I don't want to regret not appreciating this good moments.

Friday, October 3, 2014

Writing.

University already started.

And I should be paying attention to my books.

But once in a while, I write.

Or rather, I only write during one class(this class bores me. hahaha)

Oddly enough, this class makes me write poems.
I usually don't write poems.
But this class makes me write poems.

So just this week alone,
I wrote two poems.

And I am gonna post the links here. So yea.

Go check it out :

My very Moriarty poem
This poem is written when I was thinking about BBC Moriarty from Sherlock Holmes.
I could imagine Moriarty saying this.
So this is a poem for him.

Thy
a random old english, olden day like poem. 

Friday, September 26, 2014

Hello.

Hi.

Yup.

I don't really have much to say.
Not this week anyway.
Been too busy with university lately.

So instead, enjoy a nice video. 

Personally, I find this video funny but that's a personal preference. hahaha. so yea. Enjoy or not. Up to you, really.


Friday, September 19, 2014

Languages


I am in a little dilemma that I probably need to sort out soon because the deadline is coming soon.

Anyhow, my classmates are thinking of learning Spanish. 

Personally, I do think it's a good idea. After all, I have always wanted to learn as much European language as I possibly can (that's a personal goal of mine)

But at the same time, thinking about learning Spanish got me thinking about French.

I studied French before and personally, I do love it. 
But I have left it alone for years and thus, it has deteriorated quite badly.
Therefore, a thought entered my mind. Instead of learning a new language, wouldn't it be better if I mastered a language that I learnt before?
That way, I can truly say I speak French because I will be able to speak it fluently.

Thus, I am torn between the two. 

If I learn Spanish, I get to be with my classmates and it will be relatively easy since it's the beginner course. I won't have to sacrifice so much time and effort.

If I continue French, I get to pick up where I left off and master what I didn't master. But it will be hard because I am at the intermediate point where there is quite a few grammar rules and all that sort of stuff.

Or better still, don't study French or Spanish. Just go focus on my degree studies since it will be tough.

SIGHS.

I really don't know.
But I left a poll down here so that you can let help me decide.

What language should I learn?
Spanish
French
Focus on your degree
Poll Maker

Thanks alot~!