Friday, November 21, 2014

I got nothing

To be honest, I really got nothing to say this week because my life is just going on normally.

I don't have any huge problems.

I am just a university student who is enjoying university life.

So yea.

I do enjoy university life. It's quite fun.

But like all things, I know this will end one day too so I should enjoy it to the maximum currently.

As I grow older, I realize more on how fleeting moments are. Sometimes that's a good thing and sometimes it's a bad thing.
It makes you appreciate the moment more but it also makes me sad quicker. lol.

Oh well.

Anyhow, enjoy your week.

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Student by day, writer by night.

Every time NaNoWriMo comes along, I get a double identity.

Student by day and writer by night.

And this is something that I am rather proud of. 

For this year, I know that it's relatively impossible for me to hit the 50000 wordcount.
University. That's why.

My university workload is heavy and I have Spanish classes during the weekends so it's not easy juggling everything.

But either way, I wanted to write doing NaNoWriMo. Honestly, NaNoWriMo is one time where I get to be a writer. 
I dedicate time to write and think of the story.
Honestly, I am proud of that.

Thanks to NaNoWriMo, I have been able to allow myself to be a writer. If NaNoWriMo weren't here, I would probably never have written a novel at all.

Anyhow, it's not easy this year because November is a very busy month. I have mock trials and everything.

So yea.

Week 1 started out great. But it was hard work, trying to find time each day to write.
Week 2 is pretty bad because this week is my mock trials and I had to give up some writing time to study. (even with that, I might fail some subjects. lol)

Anyway, I am just proud of myself because I am really becoming a full fledged writer and I like that.


Friday, November 7, 2014

Naruto Manga

Naruto manga just ended. After 15 years of running and it's only appropriate to give it some respect.

I am one of the newer fans so I didn't read it for 15 years. I have only been reading this for 5 years but still, I must admit that it has been one hell of a ride.

I am not going to lie and say Naruto is my childhood because it really isn't. 
Even though it has been popular for a long time and it's the childhood thing to many people my age, I never really got into Naruto until really late.

I never really got into Naruto because I assumed that it was this typical boring shonen thing where people fight and power up endlessly without any real plot.

But one day, I watched an abridged series of Naruto and it was hilarious.
Even though I haven't watch the original series, I really love the abridged. 
Every single time I was sad or stressed, I would rewatch the abridged series again and again. 
By now, I have probably watched that abridged series at least 20 times.

But I thought to myself that I should try out the original series. So one day, it was on TV and I watched it. 

I was so surprised to find myself really enjoying. Of course, at that time, I thought the abridged was funnier. It is only natural that the abridged was funnier, it is a parody after all.

As time passes on, I began to like the series more and more. 
My assumptions of Naruto were so wrong.
Yes, they fought a lot and talked a lot.
But it has plot and characters.
It has philosophies. 
And I really love that.

It's really difficult to get me to read the manga.
But slowly, eventually, after years of watching the anime, I started reading the manga.

And honestly, I don't regret it.
Because Naruto is one series where I must say the manga is much better than the anime.

Naruto truly is a good series.
But like all good things, it must come to an end.

So here's a toast to Naruto.
Thank you for everything.

PS, I don't know why some people seem so upset with the ending because I am completely alright with it. If anything, I enjoy it.

PSS, so proud of Naruto for being hokage. I love that he seemed so much more mature.

PSSS, Did you freaking see Sasuke? He grew up to be such a hot dude. I mean, yes, he was good looking from the beginning and in 699, he looked so much like Itachi but in 700, he was just hot.

PSSSS, Gaara, your old hairstyle called back and said that you should ditch the new one because it really sucks.

Friday, October 31, 2014


I do admit that sometimes emotions are messy, annoying and loud.
I do understand why some people might hate their emotions or having emotions. 

However for me, I have never truly hated my emotions.

Personally, I have always liked to sit down and pick my emotions out bit by bit. 
I like to try to understand why I feel a certain way and sometimes, that helps to give me back some control.

That's why most of the times, I understand why I feel a certain way.
When I am aware why I feel a certain way, I can sometimes slowly change my own emotions consciously.

However, there are times when the emotion is so overwhelming that even though I understand why I feel this way, there is still no way to relief myself from these emotions.

This is where I feel extremely lucky that I write.

I still remember a period in my life where I was extremely upset and at that point, I didn't really quite understand why.
But I wrote.
I remember carving out my emotions and inserting them in a story.

I remember creating the characters from those emotions.
I remember sculpting them.
I remember the intensity when I wrote.
How I blocked everything out and just focused on this story.

By the time I was done, the story and the characters were complete.
It was a rather sad story with loads of suffering and pain.

But the funny thing is, creating this story have helped me healed.
Watching the characters fight back and persevere against the pain and suffering has given me strength.
Creating this story has also somewhat helped me figure out why I felt the way I felt and it has also helped me release the overwhelming tension of my emotions.

And that is why I write.

It's not because I have a talent in it.
It's because I don't really have choice.
It's because it's the only way I know how to express myself and my emotions.
It's because it's the only way to sometimes stop the noise in my head.

With NaNoWriMo coming tomorrow, I just wanted to make a post on what makes me a writer or rather, why I write.

Thursday, October 23, 2014

busy, busy, busy.

Well, school started and it's only one month in but it's been getting really busy.

Yes, I been busy.
I just hate it how people assume I am free or that my course is easier because I am taking something related to finance and that my course has no assignments.
Guess what, they are wrong.
This course isn't easy.
Seriously, the next idiot who says that about my course will get a textbook thrown at them.

There is alot of reading and understanding involved in my course. So, that takes time.

I been a little stressed because I feel that :
1) I don't have enough time ever
2) I am taking a long time to read and understand the subject matter
3) I feel stupid compared to my other classmates.

I'm beginning to find that the worse enemy is yourself.

Because I am feeling stressed and frustrated due to the fact that I feel that I am not good enough or that I am not doing enough.

And sincerely, I need to stop.

Because these emotions won't be helpful for me. They just make me feel stressed and sad.

I need to seriously calm down.

I need to seriously stop being so hard with myself.

There's nothing wrong with working hard but I shouldn't make myself feel bad by feeling like I am behind.

Because I am not behind.

I just need to focus on my studies and just put all these emotions behind.
I just need to realize that everything is going to be alright.
I just need to be kinder to myself.

So from today onwards, I am banning myself for calling myself stupid, lazy or any bad words that could potentially upset me.
I am just not going to say anything bad about myself.
If anything, I am going to just say positive things like stay calm or you can do it.

So yea.

A lecturer once told me, this is not a sprint. This is a marathon. You'll need to learn to pace yourself.
And guess what, I think he is right.

Friday, October 17, 2014

Emotional rollercoaster.

This week has been an emotional rollercoaster for me.

I don't know why exactly but my emotions has been all over the place.


But I guess that's just school talking.

But I really need to learn relax and calm down.

Because I panic, get frustrated and angry really easily.


Friday, October 10, 2014

What a life.

Honestly, when I turned 21, I must admit that I felt a little scared and unsure.

I don't know why but when I turned 21, I didn't feel 21.
What I mean is, I don't quite feel like an adult.

I don't feel like I am in complete control of my life.
And I certainly feel like maybe, I am being left out.

I see everyone around me who turned 21 and they all seem so 21.
They have nice parties.
They wear pretty dresses.
They walk around like they are grown up.

And then, you have me.

But as time passes by, I don't feel like that anymore.

I mean, yes, I may not wear pretty dresses or whatever.
But I am okay with that now.

In the past, I felt all these pressure. I felt like I was missing out.
But not anymore.

So now, I just worry about what I am doing.

And honestly, I am very happy with the life I lead.
In fact, I consider myself very lucky.

I am studying what I like.
I like the feeling of constantly learning.
And yes, even though the university work load is a little insane and overwhelming,
I must admit that I enjoy learning this stuff.
I have some pretty awesome classmates that I truly have fun with when I do see them in university.

It's good.

And I feel like life can't get any better than this.

And honestly, I want this moment to last forever.

But I know life.

This moment will not last forever.

One day, it will come to an end too.

And so, I really have to appreciate right now.

I don't want to regret not appreciating this good moments.