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A few months at the job now

This job is interesting.

But now, I am beginning to see its challenges for me.

Like my original worry, I'm not a detailed person and my skills may not be up to par.

I'm doing the most simplest work in my team right now and I understand because I am new and I probably don't have the skill set required yet. 

But I can't deny that my team does very interesting work.

Just today, my team mate presented his draft analysis for our company and I thought it was good.

It was filled with graphs and it was beautiful.

He could tell a story through them.

And he knew how to pull out the data he needed. (I'm still figuring this out)

It was interesting.

I enjoyed his presentation. 

Because to be able to do his presentation, one needed to have the data and have knowledge of the current business strategy.

It was seeing things at many angles. And for once in my life, I found myself not being able to cover all angles.

I also told myself, cool, I want to do this one day.

And in that moment, I realise…
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Fading thoughts

Lately, I had so much thoughts. 

But I also realise that with the busyness of life, my thoughts are fading away before I had time to jot it down.

And it made me slightly upset.

As someone who values their thoughts and feelings, I don't like my thoughts fading away from me.
It feels as though I am losing a part of myself.

Maybe I value my thoughts and feelings too much.

It has not completely faded away.

I guess before it completely disappear, I should jot it down.

My perspective on adulthood

This might be a long one and I am sorry.

I don't think adulthood is really that bad. 
But despite that, I won't say it wasn't hard.

As I have said before, last year wasn't a great year for me.
I was angry, upset and frustrated.
I was full of anxiety and fear.
I was a complete nervous wreck.

But that was because I was definitely focusing on the wrong things.
I was only looking at my unfortunate circumstances
And how they were disadvantage.

Compared to other privileged people, I was behind.
It felt like I had weights in a marathon race.
I was angry.
And it was easier to blame the world.

But as time goes by, anger just wears you down.
And I was getting emotionally tired.
Somehow, my rationality kicked in.
 And that changed my entire perspective.

I begun to realise that my circumstances didn't define me.
I begun to realise that just because I had weights tied to me, doesn't mean I can't slowly build the stamina to run just as fast.
Yes, I will take a longer time.
Yes, it will be ha…

Talk

2018 started.

And to be honest, since it's the beginning of the year and I'm determined to make it a good one, things feel good. I started reading again, exercising and even cooked a bit. Even attended an academic economic talk. So all in all, I feel like I'm starting out the year right.

That made me feel rather good.  

But then my boss called me to speak to me.

And she told me that she feels that I'm struggling. I guess I don't like this statement. The reason for this is because I don't want to give her a bad impression and it feels like she does.

I feel that I must change that. So I now, I tell myself, I got to do better at my work. I got to show her that I'm good for this. I got to be the best that I can be. So yea, in a way, I do feel motivated.

I must admit that I am lucky to have a good boss. She actually talks to me because she didn't want me to be frustrated or feel alienated since I sit far away from the team and I am the newest member there with th…

First week of 2018

Well, the first week of 2018 just passed.

And honestly, I think it started relatively well for me.

Although job wise, I'm pretty busy but I enjoy what I do at work currently so it's all good.

To think at one point, I was worried about my work getting routinely boring but now, I realised that I have so so much more to learn. So it'll probably take a while before my work gets routinely boring.

Most of all, I find that I enjoy dealing with data and all these technical stuff. It's kinda cool actually. So yea. That's a good thing. 

Atleast for now, I can tick job satisfaction off the list.

And today, just to start my exercise ball rolling, I went for a run.

I went to a park in the middle of the city and it's definitely one of my favourite parks to run it. 

Being in the city reminded me of how much I love the city. I am definitely a city girl. I was born and bred in the city. I have always love the vibrant city. I love how it's constantly moving and busy. Somehow I find …

2017

First of all, I want to apologize for not updating lately. Time just slips through my fingers and I usually find myself to tired to write because my mind is spinning from too much thoughts.

But despite that, writing is always good for me. It's in my most tired and busiest moments, I find that is when I must write. Although that's not what I always do but when I do get around to do it, I do feel very much relieved.

Anyway, 2017 is ending.

And good riddance to this year.

This hasn't been the best year for me.  

So yea, I just want it to end

And I just hope that next year would be a better year.

Anxiety

Let's talk about anxiety because it's something I have.

It's something I had since I was a child.

I never really knew I had it.

It's only much older that I look at anxiety and realise, oh, that is anxiety.

My family never acted like I was too weird. They just think it's me thinking too much.

But the good thing is, they never told me to stop thinking. Instead they tell me to try to calm down.

In today's world, more and more people are coming out to talk about anxiety and that's a good thing.

Luckily for me, I was never made to be too weird. And I learnt some pretty good coping mechanism.

But not everyone is as lucky as me though.

Anxiety is definitely not easy.

When anxiety hits, it's hard to think or even breathe. It feels so real and even painful. Your hearts beats hard. Your mind runs fast. You find yourself finding it hard to breathe. Your vision blurs. You're trembling. Tears might be running down your eyes.

So when people say, get over it. It's no big…