Friday, April 24, 2015

Becoming a foodie?

I have always love and enjoyed food.

And honestly, it has always been one of my favourite things.

However, I never really thought that I will feel this good with food now.
I have used food to reward myself and even set the mood for the day.

But right now, I feel like a complete foodie.
I look forward to every meal. It's the high point of my day.
And every bite of something makes me happy. I feel nourished.

In this moment, I have started a new hobby of food journalling. 
I just write down what I ate for every meal. 
I don't know it just makes me happy to know what I just ate and how it made me feel.

People usually record their food to calculate their calories but not me. I'm just doing this because it makes me feel nice.

I am not sure if I'm just turning to food because I'm being quite stressed out or if I truly like food right now.

Maybe, I just like to eat right now because meal times are my break time. I stop studying and take a complete breather. Just forget everything and just enjoy my food completely.

Thursday, April 16, 2015

The hidden stress?

We all know that stress is part of our daily life. Without stress, we wouldn't do much or have the motivation to do much.
But we also know that too much stress is bad.

I wouldn't say that I have great stress management but I would like to say that I manage it better with each year.

However, sadly, I have to admit that I'm an emotional person and that my emotions does badly affect my body and my health. 

I suppose that the stress have been getting to me. 
But I think there are different type of stress.

One, there is the stress that you can handle because you are aware of its existence. That means, you can hear the groaning and maybe even screaming in your head. Stress management for that isn't hard. All I need to do is breathe and probably just tell myself to stop groaning or screaming and just get the work done.

But the stress that I hate is the stress that I am not aware of.
Like, I don't hear groaning or screaming in my head. There's pretty much nothing. Silence.
But there's a huge laziness and demotivation to do anything.
And the worse is, I can feel my body burning up.

It's like those unconscious type of stress where you can't feel its existence and the reason for that is that it is deeply rooted inside you, hidden somewhere. It's like a crack underneath a surface.
I find that there is no stress management for this because telling myself to relax is silly because I do feel relaxed. If anything, I feel too relaxed.

And the only reason I can tell that I have this stress is because my body is acting up horribly. I feel aches in places that shouldn't have aches. I feel tired. My skin is dry or my hair is falling out easily.

The reason why I know this is stress is because this happens every time before I have a huge exam that's important to me.

I know it'll go away but it annoys me sometimes that my body acts up so easily. Anyway, I should be taking care of my health now.

To anyone who's stressed out there, all I can say is, try to relax. I know it's a silly and futile advice but really, the only way to release stress is to relax. 
Or you can try just focusing on what you do and worrying less about it. Maybe your stress will go away because you are working at it.

I know this has been a rant but I needed to do this.

Friday, April 10, 2015

Turning 22?

To be honest, I expected that this year birthday would be relatively uneventful.

With exams coming up, I knew that I'd probably wouldn't care about it.

I never quite told anyone this but to be honest, birthdays aren't actually my favourite thing.
And no, it's not because I don't like being a year older. 

Some people hate birthdays because now they are a year older. I don't understand that because age is really just a number to me.

The reason for me to not like birthdays is because, with every birthday, I reflect.
I am a year older now.
Have I done anything to deserve existing on this earth?
Have I lived the life that I want?
What have I done to deserve another year on earth?

And sometimes, I just feel like I haven't done anything special. 
I don't deserve being on this earth.
Because I don't contribute or do something that's completely worthy or special.

I know it's very harsh of me to think these thoughts but this thoughts have appeared in my mind every once in a while on birthdays.

But funnily enough, so many people wished me and cared about my birthday that it surprised me.
And slowly, oddly enough, I found myself enjoying my birthday.

So, thank you to all my friends~!

Thursday, April 2, 2015

Stress free? Me? HAHAHA.

There are some seniors who think that I'm not stressed up for my exams.

Well, they are wrong. 
I am stressed.

Just because I don't show it doesn't mean it's not there.
If anything, I'm really stressed.
Even my temper is flaring.

Yes, I watch anime on Friday~!
Yes, I do read articles once in a while.

But that's because I'm stressed.
And I need something to destress.

So yea.

Just because I don't look stressed doesn't mean I'm not stressed.

Yup, this has just been a rant.

Friday, March 20, 2015

A little motivation to pick myself up

I been a little lazy and demotivated recently when it comes to my studies. And it doesn't help that I was a little upset because I got rejected from a firm that I wanted to intern in.

So overall, I wasn't feeling great.

I decided to get my nails painted. 

And honestly, that's a huge booster to me. 

I have only painted my nails black before but this time, I decided to paint it in a different color but it's still a dark color.

It's interesting that people are surprised by the fact that I like to get my nails painted in dark colors. 
Personally, I don't understand that.

I had a friend who said that painting nails black makes it looks like a monster. I found what she said interesting.
Because the reason why I paint my nails black or dark colors is because it makes me feel powerful. 

Yes, it looks like a monster. But I feel like a powerful monster that will bite your head off if you cross me.
I feel confident.
I feel like the boss.
I feel awesome.
I feel great and powerful.

And how I feel makes me more motivated to do the things I need to do like studying.

Only sad thing is, I sort of ruined my nails the moment it got painted, so I am not sure how long the color will last. I just hope it'll last a while before looking like total shit.

Friday, March 13, 2015

Funny what people think.

I have always been interested in what people think about me.

I have always been curious in how they see me. 
Because I can't see myself through their eyes. It'll be one point of view that I'll never be able to experience.

So the only best alternative is to ask people and get their opinion of me.

Some people thinks that by asking these questions, I am annoying. I don't mind being called annoying because that's not quite false either because sometimes, I know I am annoying. hahaha

But some people have said that because I asked these questions, I come across as a person who doesn't know myself.
I find that hilarious because I do myself but I am doing this because I want to know more about myself.

And sometimes, through this, I get to learn more about myself.

Even I have to admit that I don't myself completely. I am complex with many many layers and you can never stop learning about yourself because I am constantly changing.

So I find it interesting when people say that. 

Another thing that people said about me is that I seem indecisive because I ask for people's point of view when I'm deciding.

But that's not true.

I want people's opinions and thoughts because it gives me a different perspectives on things.

I like to view things from as many perspectives as possible before I decide because I want to be as informed as possible.

And that's just how I work.

I'm not indecisive. I just don't like closing up possibilities. I like to keep things open and see where that bring me.

And that's just the way I am~!

Friday, March 6, 2015

The interesting world.

I know that the world is a diverse place. 
Since it is a diverse place, I understand that there will be a variety of people with their own different set of thoughts.

But recently, people have been saying things to me that sort of pisses me off. 
It's not what they said was rude or anything.
But sometimes, what they say is unbelievably small minded and it blows my mind that there are people like them around and that I actually know them.

I don't say anything to them because I don't want to be rude.
But it left a little angry for a while.

However, it is pointless to be angry at something so silly.
Plus those people who said it don't mean any harm.
I'm not mad at them per se.
I am just mad that they actually think that way.

But since people are entitled to their own thoughts and opinions, I have no right to be mad or anything.

I should just accept that different people have different thoughts and I should respect them even if they seem silly.

Well, only goes to show that I have much to learn from this great wide interesting world.