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Life, jobs and university

Hey there.

Sorry for not blogging for a while.
I been searching for jobs.
But I'm back now.

So yes, I been searching for jobs.
And it's crazy.
Why is it so hard to get the job that you want?

Not gonna lie.
I don't just want a job.
I want a job that I want to do.
I want a job that makes me excited in the morning
I want a job that makes me go, yes, I want to do this.

My current job contract is ending.
And I don't intend to stay.
Because I don't quite enjoy the job scope.
But of course, that's provided I am able to find a job that I enjoy or suits me.

And it's simply insane that some companies don't reply while others are just reject you.
I admit I'm growing a little tired.

I think the biggest lie that universities tell you that the degree opens up doors for you.
No. It doesn't.
It's just an entry requirement.
It's just like a bus ticket.
It gets you to another bus station.
But whether or not you reach your intended destination, that would depends on your lu…
Recent posts

Striking gold

I know I may regret this post for years to come.  Because if we aren't together anymore, then this will hurt. But right now, at this moment, this feeling is overwhelming me.
And I felt too lazy to write it in my journal. So I decided to blog it here instead.
I struck gold with you. Yes, you are gold, my love.
It's insane. I never thought I would ever be with someone like you. I am lucky. And I am grateful for it.
I always assumed most guys were playful. They were all in it for the fun. For the chase. I had friends like that so I thought most guys were this way. I had prepared myself to be played. I had prepared myself for a fickle love where they stayed because it was fun. But the moment things get rough, they leave.
And I was fine with that. Because I would play too, just as they play me. I never thought of taking it seriously. I thought of just having a good time and enjoying myself.
Then, you came. Swept me off my feet. I won't lie. I was afraid when I realised I was falling for you, head fi…


Being vulnerable is sometimes difficult.

A friend of mine said, being vulnerable with other people is sometimes difficult.
But for me, that's not my problem.

I am comfortable with being vulnerable with other people if I,myself, is comfortable with being vulnerable with myself.

So obviously, my problem is being vulnerable with myself.

I know some people might wonder why being vulnerable with myself is difficult.

I suppose this has something to do.

Although I understand that I'm very human and I'm absolutely flawed, it still hard to understand some of my own flaws.

Because for me, being vulnerable with myself means looking at my fears. 
What do I fear?

And for a long time, I don't like acknowledging my fear.
Because fear is an ugly emotion to me and it's something I was never fond of.
So although I had loads of fear in the past, I prefer just being overdramatic and pretending that it doesn't exist. I prefer lying to myself, saying that I don't know rather than finding ou…

Travel broadens your mind?

I was just thinking travelling lately because it as something that I did recently I guess.

People often said that travelling broadens your mind. I don't quite agree with this sentence.

Because for me, travelling doesn't broaden my mind.

If anything, it only teaches me what kind of person I am.

When you travel to a foreign country, because it's foreign, there will be stress. So you definitely learn more about yourself. 

For me, I am the type of traveler who learns more about themselves.

Like for me, I realise that I'm not into going to a million places at once. 
And I'm not into tours.

But I will do things that I wanna do.
Most of all, I like the experience to be as authentic as possible. So I would like to stay in a neighbourhood. 
I'm more about exploring what makes the city ticks.

But I guess it also depends on the city.

In the past, I went to Osaka, Japan. It was completely foreign.
People spoke a different language.
It was obvious that I was a foreigner.
I knew that I did…

Shifting lights

I been back from London for a week now.

And yes, I was jet-lag. Gosh, it was horrible. My jet-lag brought out my anxieties in me and for a few days, I felt horrid.

I couldn't sleep properly, I couldn't eat properly and all I want to do was cry because I was just so anxious.

But as the days go by, I recovered and now I am alright again.

In fact, I am feeling relatively optimistic and happy actually.

I think the London trip was something that I needed.
I needed to see how a different part of the world looked like.

And oddly enough, London didn't feel foreign to me.
If anything, it felt like home.
Odd, isn't it?

But now that I'm back, I feel that London has allowed my imagination to returned.
And my optimism for life too.

I wouldn't say I don't worry about money anymore.
Because I do.
But I feel less stressed now.

I feel like things are gonna get better.
Like there's a better hope.
Like I will achieve something.

That although, currently, I am not a fan of my current job sco…

A Londre. (In London)

So I went to London for my graduation. I am actually still there. Yup, I'm still in London as I type this blog post out.

To be honest, London doesn't feel like a foreign city to me.

If anything, it feels like I am coming home.

The reason for that is because I grew up in a UK colonised country. There's alot of UK history in my country.
Most of all, my primary and secondary schools were missionary schools founded by UK kind people.

I even came from a girl school. So yay to girl power.

So yes, it's crazy actually.
I am thousands of miles away from "home" (my country of origin) and yet, I do not feel foreign here.
If anything, I blend in.

I guess this shows that I am a very cosmopolitan person.

Other than that, when it comes to travelling, I realise that I am a different sort of traveller.

I really dislike cramping alot of things in one itinerary. I enjoy taking my time and going from place to place that interests me. Hence, tours are definitely not my thing.

I realise that …

My gift and my curse

My mind.
It will forever be my gift and my curse.

My gift
Because it allows me to think
To have clarity
To create
To discuss
To feel
To be me.

But it's my curse
Because it makes my head spin
It can make me sick
It can make me want to scream
It can make me want to drop everything and run

And this will forever for me to bear.

I always assumed that it would get better as I grew older.

And although it did get slightly better, it is not because I was older.

It's just that as you grow older, you learn to handle it better.
You learn to cope
and it's something you'll have to keep learning

Because triggers will continue to change
So coping mechanisms always has to evolve too.

And this is just my life.

And I will continue to do my best.