Childhood friend again. lol. I should just stop talking about this. sighs.

Ever since I wrote Coeur Noir, I felt so much better regarding my "childhood" friend. Everything I wanted to say and needed to say was in that story.
I felt liberated and finally, I could move on.

And for a while, I was moving on. I was doing well. And I was happy.

Then,

she posted her twitter account on facebook. Something that she never does because her twitter account is locked. So, it's pointless to post it on facebook because you can't see a thing.

It's like she wanted the world to know that she locked her twitter account and that she also wants me to know that I am locked out even though, in the past, I was not.

What? Does she want me to call her up or text her to ask her why she blocked me on twitter?
Nope. Not gonna do that. 

I wrote Coeur Noir. So if you want a reply, read that.

And today,

her name appeared on one of my communication chat as recommended friends to add.

I laughed out, HAHA. NO. JUST NO.
And deleted that notification.

Maybe, I'm reading too much into this. Or not. I don't know.

But I am moving on slowly. 
I no longer feel mad. Or sad. Or guilty.

And all this will soon just be a faint painful memory.

As for now, I guess, I am still talking about this because I still need to get it out of my system. I guess, I still feel like the injured party.

But time will move and things will get better.

So enjoy a song that says everything that I feel right now, anyway.




Yo, this one right here
Is for all the drop out-of-schoolers
The future cougars
The Mary Jane abusers
The ones that chose to be losers
For all the misfit kids and the total outcasts
MKTO, This one's for you
Role models
We are the ones
The ones you left behind
Don't tell us how
Tell us how to live our lives
Ten million strong
We're breaking all the rules
Thank you for nothing
Cause there's nothing left to lose
Thank you for feeding us years of lies
Thank you for the wars you left us to fight
Thank you for the world you ruined overnight
But we'll be fine
Yeah we'll be fine
Thank you for the world you broke
Like yolk and it ain't no joke
So cold and there ain't no coat
Just me my friends my folks and
We gonna do what we like
So raise that bird up high
And when they ask you why
Just stand there laugh and smile
We are the ones
The ones you left behind
Don't tell us how
Tell us how to live our lives
Ten million strong
We're breaking all the rules
Thank you for nothing
Cause there's nothing left to lose
Na na na na
Na na na na na na
Na na na na
Na na na na na na
Thank you for the times you said don't make a sound
Thanks for the ropes you used to hold us down
Cause when I break through I'ma use them to reach the clouds
We ain't comin' down
We ain't comin' down
Look Ma I finally made it
This world is too damn jaded
My life is just like Vegas
Go big go home get faded
Been a prob since '92
Can't shut me down curfew
And them girls I'll take a few
Do what I wanna do
We are the ones
The ones you left behind
Don't tell us how
Tell us how to live our lives
Ten million strong
We're breaking all the rules
Thank you for nothing
Cause there's nothing left to lose
Na na na na
Na na na na na na
Na na na na
Na na na na na na
Thank you from the bottom of my heart
From head to toe from the soul you ripped apart
I say thank you
I say thank you
Yeah∦ Oh∦ thank you
Thank you, thank you Yeah, Yeah∦.
We are the ones
The ones you left behind
Don't tell us how
Tell us how to live our lives
Ten million strong
We're breaking all the rules
Thank you for nothing
Cause there's nothing left to lose
We are the ones
The ones you left behind
Don't tell us how
Tell us how to live our lives
Ten million strong
We're breaking all the rules
Thank you for nothing
Cause there's nothing left to lose
Yo if you don't like what they tell you to do
Don't do it
If you don't want to be who they want you to be
Screw it
It's your world
It's your life
And they ruined it
Role models
Tune in
Turn up
Drop out

Friends, starbucks and stories.

My "childhood" friend and I had a falling out, if you can call it that.

Frankly, I don't even know what to call it.
Because, one day, I woke up and realized that she sucked as a person and a friend. And so, I confronted her on how she is never there for me.

Then, she blocked me on twitter.

So yea.

And in response to that, I grabbed a cup of starbucks (thanks to the free redemption for registering the starbucks card) 

[thanks to the friends who got me that awesome starbucks card.

]

Once I grab a starbucks cup, a story will always follow after it.

So in response to her blocking me to twitter, I wrote Coeur Noir. I guess, it's just what I wanted to say.
Coeur Noir Part 1
Coeur Noir Part 2

(oh, I also posted this in the My stories part.)

So yea.

And that is all I have to say for this week.

Bad week.

It's been a pretty bad week.

And since I don't feel like filling up my blog with another long boring angry rant.
I got too much long angry rants. 

So here are some pictures of how I feel, instead.

Yup.

So these pictures are the summary of how I feel this week.

So yea.

From here on.

So, my university life begins.

And it's interesting. 
One part of me is glad that it's starting and I'm excited because it's a new beginning.
But another part of me, is a little sad actually because a new beginning means that something has ended.

I thought that when my A-levels ended, I won't have to fight anymore. That it would be easier. But it's not. It's just going to get harder from here on.

I thought that because I took A-levels, I would be more prepared and that everything would be alright. But the moment the classes started, I realized that I am prepared but not as prepared as I thought I was.
That is when I realized, the road further on will be tough. It will be very tough.

So apart of me wonders, if I can survive.
Because A-levels has made me so weary.
So can I survive this time? Will I be fine? Or will I finally break?

But at the same time, because of A-levels, it has made me stronger.
I did not survive A-levels for nothing.
I did not survive A-levels just to fall this time.
So, I will survive.

But doubts are no good.
So I am gonna just stop.
I am just going to walk this path and see what happens.

And because my university life began, it also means no more internet everyday. sighs. This part, I'm really upset. Oh well. Sighs.

And if you are starting university soon too, I wish you all the best too~! I wish everyone all the best in life~!

Oh, in the meantime, I also want to do my best so that I get to live the best life I can.
I don't want to have regrets.

So next week, everything begins.

Next week, my classes will start for real.
My university life will start for real.

Hmm...no more messing around, no more chilling all day on the internet and no more doing nothing.

I am going to miss all that.

I am going to miss doing nothing.

Or watching anime all day long.

Or just surfing the internet.

Oh well.

I will have to work hard for my degree. 
After all, it's going to start painting out my future and I decide that I want a nice one.
So that means, I have to do my best.

No more slacking.

Well, let it begin.

Another year wiser.

Well, I just turned twenty.

Yes, I'm old. Sighs. 

Anyhow, it was quite nice as I celebrated with friends.

They gave me pretty amazing presents. Chocolates, Starbucks card and food (Japanese food).
So yea, I'm thankful.

Thank you.

It's nice to celebrate with friends. 
Because in a way, it reminds me that I'm not alone. That I have friends that cares.

It's sweet and I'm really thankful.

Too bad, I don't have any pictures to show the celebration.

But I have to say, they were pretty amazing because I was sincerely surprised and shocked. I mean, I didn't even know it was for my birthday. 
So yea, it's a real surprise birthday party. 
I was really surprised.

So once again, thank you.

Thank you to anyone who has been my friend.

Thank you to anyone who wished me Happy Birthday.

Even though, I'm 20 years old. I don't feel older or anything. I still feel like me.

I guess, to me, getting older means improving yourself while retaining the true you.
So yes, I still behave like a five year old.

Just so you know, my parents bought me a teddy bear for my birthday because I been complaining about how my mother threw out all my toys without asking for my permission.

So yea.

Anyhow, growing older feels the same to me. Like, I'm still me. Not older or younger. Just time ticking.
But then again, age is just a number. 

It's what kind of meaning you put to that number that matters.
And I choose not to put a meaning.
I choose to just be me.

Believe in the universe?

This week has been a crazy week, filled with emotions.

One day, it was filled with confusion and doubts. The next day, it was filled with hope. 
Then, it was filled with despair. Later, it was filled with clarity, relief and certainty.

So, as you can tell, this week has been a roller coaster ride.

Thankfully, I had friends by my side as I sat down to think, smile, cry or scream.
Even if they didn't say anything, just knowing that they are by my side really helped me calm down.
Even if all they said was, how was your day? Just knowing that they cared, helped.
And talking helps too.

At first, I thought that my life has fallen apart because my A-levels result was not what I wanted.

But now, I'm beginning to realize that this is just the way the universe was putting everything in place for me.
That even though this hurts, it is for my own good. It is for me.

So, right now, I want to believe in the universe trying to help me.
But the universe can only help you if you also help yourself.
So that means, you have to fight and do your best.
Or else, the universe is just going to hand you crap. It hands you crap because if you don't bother, the universe won't too.
But if show the universe that you mean it, and you do your best to overcome your challenges, internally and externally, the universe will try to see what it can do for you.
And maybe, it may help arrange things to your liking.

Who knows.
But I believe in the universe. Trying to help me.