Sunday, August 14, 2016
I got leaked exam results.
For me, when I get my results, I consider that the point of where I graduate.
Because when the exams end, it's still uncertain. You can still fail things and end up still in university because you need to retake the papers.
But when the results is out, it's certain. You know what grade you make. You know for certain, you don't have to go back there or if you have to go back there.
The results for my exams were...interesting. They were both to my expectations and out of my expectations.
My aim was first class, of course. And in the end, I only got second upper.
Well, I am not too disappointed.
In the end, it's not the grades that mattered.
It was what I learned. It was what has happened in this three years.
University has been magnificently wonderful to me.
I have learnt.
My university has taught me that I can think. That I am one of the best. We all are.
So chins up.
We did it.
No, better than that. We thrived.
At the end of the day, some of us may not have gotten the results we wanted.
But boy, did we have fun?
But boy, did we learn?
But boy, did we do our best?
And it was yes to all of the above.
I feel like I have become a much better person. A more polished diamond.
But of course, this is not the end of our journey. We have much more to travel. Alot more to learn.
But this s our life.
The world is our stage.
And may we play it to the best of our abilities.
Here's to us.
Here's to our life.
Here's to all our dreams and hopes.
Here's to everything.
To the future.
To the past.
To the present.
Friday, August 5, 2016
It's been a month since I started work officially.
I don't hate my job. But I am not sure if I love it either.
Do I enjoy it?
Yes, but that's because the environment is nice. People there are nice and friendly. The office is nice. So yea.
I am still not sure what kind of job I want. But I realise that I want a job that allows me to think. Apparently, I like to use my brains.
Mundane routine things aren't quite my things actually. Can I do it? Yes. But do I want to? Not really.
But surprisingly, I find myself enthusiastic currently in my life.
I like the idea of being able to handle my own expenses.
I like the idea of being able to live my own life.
I like the idea that I am starting the journey of my life.
For me, I believe this is the time to start planning and going out to live the life you want.
I believe that this is the time to plan and then to grind for the life you want. This is the time to put the effort. This is the time to work. This is the time to dream and go for it.
I guess that's why I am excited.
I haven't really figured out what I want yet. But I am gonna definitely figure it out. So yea.
Anyway, good luck to me and my life journey.
And good luck to you guys too!!
Friday, July 29, 2016
Just when things keeps going up and I think it was impossible for things to a turn that I didn't like.
And it just did.
Maybe this is a lesson to me, that no matter how much you grow, mistakes will still be made.
But for me, I am just disappointed in myself. This mistakes feels like I'm back to square one. It's as if all the progress have been wiped out. It's feels like I'm back there.
I know that I will always struggle with expression and holding my tongue. That will always be a problem of mine. Maybe it's a mistake to even use a social media device as a place to unload all your thoughts. I have always done it and it has caused some problems for me even in the past.
But I guess, like people said, bad habits die hard. Especially when you start to rely on it to allow yourself to sort out your own thoughts or to let it go.
I am aware that I will have to accept and live with the consequences. I get that.
But I am just severely disappointed with myself.
A long time ago, I told myself, no more. No more burning bridges. No more destructions.
Yet, here I am again. Staring at embers that could spread and turn into a huge fire, burning everything again.
I'm tired of this destruction power of mine. I'm tired of how I can burn everything down. I am just tired.
How many more things do I want to burn? How many more ashes of regrets can I hold? Personally, I don't think I can carry anymore.
I'm tired of watching it all burn. I'm tired of closing another door. I'm tired of having another baggage. I'm tired of having another ghost haunt me.
It's hard to live when you have so much restrictions in your head. You can't open a door. You can't go back to the past because all that's there is just regrets.
I know it's possible to set yourself free from all the ghosts and baggage in your mind.
But it's not easy.
And even if you can set yourself free, doesn't mean they can.
I have a mind that travels many thoughts quickly. One look and I might think about the past and how good it was. Or even worse, I could think about what I lost and what could have been.
Personally, that's the hardest for me to overcome. To deal with the lost of what could have been. To deal with the loss of it all.
I have never been good at let go. It's something I completely suck at it.
I will prefer comfort. I will always prefer familiarity. This is a programme I constantly have to push in my head. To tell myself to get out of it. To tell myself to push myself.
But no matter what happens, I would have to deal with the consequences.
And I would have to just trust the universe that maybe this is the best for me even though, of course, I don't feel this way. Even though I feel like I'm being torn apart.
Wednesday, July 13, 2016
I watched an anime where a girl managed to write a letter to her past self of ten years. True, that's not possible in reality but the concept of that is interesting. She wrote to her ten years younger self to avoid her regrets. She wanted her past self to change certain decisions in the past so that her current self won't have any regrets.
Personally, I wouldn't want to tell my past self to change her decisions to avoid regrets. Do I have regrets? Yes. But I won't change them because I learnt from them. And that has been grow as a person. So I don't quite regret that.
However, if I could write a letter to my past self, it would be fun. If I were to write to my ten years younger self, that would be my 13 year old self. And this is what I would love to say.
Hello there. This is your 23 year old self. I know, it's unbelievable. You can barely imagine yourself at that age currently.
I still remember being 13. Vaguely. My memory isn't that great.
But I remember you being excited for high school because you get to go to a bigger school. You finally feel like you are at school because your primary school was small and tiny. I still remember you entering your class, feeling brand new. I remember people praising you for being smart because you managed to make it into the top classes. But I also remember you treating that as a lie because you always felt like luck brought you here instead.
I also remember that you couldn't wait to grow up. You have so many dreams, hopes and aspirations. Did any of them come true? Wouldn't you like to know? All I can say is yes and no.
So much will happen to you. You will hurt and cry but you will also smile and laugh. You will feel the extreme ends of both happiness and sadness.
The good moments will be beyond your wildest dreams.
And the bad moments would be a shock to your system.
But either way, you will grow from all of it. You will get better. You will grow into a better person. I may be 10 years older than you but even I'm not done growing yet. I'm still growing myself.
I don't want to spoil you much on your own life because it wouldn't be fair as I didn't get any spoilers. Do I want spoilers though? No. I want to get my life path, on my own.
All I can say is, you're young. You're innocent. You're the rawness of it all. You are the metal before an armour or sword is made. So much potential but it's not pushed or used yet.
I remember you being eager to take on the world. Proclaiming that the world would be yours. You felt ready to face the world. This is something I love about you. I wish you remember this feeling. Remember your promise to yourself of how the world is yours. Because tough things will happen and you will, sometimes, forget that you are made of steel. You will sometimes forget that once, you promised yourself the world.
You're kind but naive. Yes, I know you hate being called that. But at this age, that is the truth. I say naive because you think well of everything and that no harm will come to you. That's not quite true. Bad or mean things can happen even if you were kind all these while. You help and you give so much away. Nothing wrong with that. I don't regret this. I just wish that you remember to take care of yourself once in a while.
As for your dreams, yes, let's talk about your favourite thing. Dreams. Oh, how you love them. You dream of the stars, sun and moon. You dream and dream. At this stage, you think you know you want. You think you know what you want your life to be. Truth is, at 23, I can't claim to know. But those dreams that you dream your life to be, those are still my dreams. That much, haven't change.
Do I still want that amazing ass apartment? Yes.
Do I still want that great job that gives you an office that has a wonderful view of the city? Also still yes.
Do I still love Ikea? Yes, I still do. People will hate me for that opinion.
I know you are probably thinking, at 23, shouldn't I have all that by now? Excuse me, but no. Surprising as it is, I just graduated. Yup, I went to university. What did I study? Not telling you.
But I will tell you that I enjoyed it. I will tell you that being university has been amazing and eye opening. You know, those dreams you have of university, where you go to library and study hard? Or when you learn well, let me just say, those dreams came true.
Like I said earlier, so much would happen to you soon.
You will find good friends. You will make mistakes. You will have fun. You will cry. You will hurt. You will change your entire life around.
Just remember this though,
You are stronger than you think.
You are made of steel. You are fire. There is a flame in you. Learn to control that.
You weren't wrong. The world is yours for the taking. Whether or not you want it. Whether or not you are willing to work for it. Now, that's your choice.
You think you know so much right now. But honestly, not really. You know alot more than alot of people. But you do not know everything. So yea.
I miss being at your age. Innocent and pure. No, don't worry, the world didn't taint me. It's not why I miss your age. But I miss your age because I am untouched by both extreme sadness or joy. Up till now, you have been relatively happy which is a good thing.
But don't worry, I enjoy my age too. I feel like life just started. There is much that I still don't know. I don't know if you got that amazing apartment or that great job. I don't know if you'll live the life of your dreams at 40 or 50 years old. I don't know what the future holds. But right now, everything seems good.
Your life is going to be interesting. But at the end of the day, it will be worth it. It feels worth it now.
One day, you will be a person that you can be proud of.
One day, you will be living the life of your dreams.
It will happen.
And when it does, you will be stricken with a sense of surrealism.
All in all, you will live the life of your dreams. Well, not the dreams you have currently. But something even better. Something that you can't even imagine. I'm definitely hyping you up, aren't I? I shouldn't say anymore.
Remember that it takes both happiness and sadness to make a life.
However, there is one thing that I do worry about. It's our souls. We are like Gatsby you know. Ah, you don't know who is Gatsby yet. One day, you will read that book and your heart will get broken. That story will haunt you. Because that story is our truth. It shows what people like us are. People like us are like Gatsby. We are both a blessing and a curse. Learn to use that well.
All in all, you will enjoy this ride of yours that you call life. There is still alot more to look forward to even at 23. So you have so much more to look forward to. There will be good and bad so just try to ride it out.
Remember to always live your life.
This will all be worth it.
Friday, July 8, 2016
I just got my first job.
It's a new phase of my life.
At first, I was a little sad because well, I know I will miss university. I had such a great time in university. I was studying what I love, it was challenging and I had great friends there. All in all, it was awesome. One of the best times of my life. Truly.
To move on to a new phase of life after having such a great one, well, I am a little reluctant.
But the crazy thing about life is that it changes whether you like it or not. The sands shifts beneath your feet and time inches forward. And everything is different now. Whether you like it or not.
My university friends have also gotten jobs. We are already slowly moving on. The clock is ticking, moving forward whether or not I want it to.
Watching them get jobs makes me realize that everything is changing now. It's changing. And I have to change with the times too.
Anyway, I just started work. Everyone there is nice and friendly. I like that. The working environment seems kind. It feels like something I can get used to.
Honestly, I am just trying to keep an open mind and see where it goes. This time, I am just gonna trust the universe.
Maybe it's still new but when I walk into my office, everything is surreal. The fact that I am here, working. That a new chapter of my life has begun. My life has begun.
I feel like I have made it.
But honestly, we all know I haven't. I'm just starting out. I'm at the bottom of the pyramid. I just made my first step.
Anyhow, all this is pretty new to me. I'm still trying to figure all this out so wish me all the best.
Wednesday, June 29, 2016
Lately, I have been traveling. The reason for this is because I have gotten a job and I will start soon. But before I start, I want to travel abit and see different sights from what I am used to.
I took two roadtrips. One with family and the other with friends.
On both roadtrips, I noticed that the mountains were no longer as green as they used to be. Raw red land exposed, without any trees. It's was as if someone was destroying nature. This made me a little upset.
I never realised how bad deforestation is until these roadtrips. To see nature being cut down for our humanly things such as construction is very sad indeed. We, humans, are literally hurting the very planet we are living in.
Even in tourist spots such as caves, nature was not spared. You could hear the sounds of construction and you could clearly see nature being cut down. Once again, the bare red land without trees was there.
If even caves in tourists spots are not spared, it only goes to show how bad this problem is.
It's hilarious that we humans think that our resources are limitless. We keep consuming. We forget that our resources are limited. We forget that destroying nature has consequences such as climate change and global warming.
I admit that I am also part of the problem. As a person who lives in the city, I consume these resources.
But this really has to end.
Our world and governments needs to show how serious this problem is. We need to change our way of living. We need a more sustainable way of living. We need conserve our resources. We need to save our own planet.
Because if we don't, our younger generation will pay a price.
And I really would love for our younger generation to grow up, being able to see the beauty of our world.
Friday, June 17, 2016
Well, in my life, there has been a few people who looked me in the eye and said that I couldn't do it.
They have said that I wasn't that kind of person.
Or that I required something because I was lacking.
AND GUESS, WHAT?
I am not lacking.
I can do whatever I want.
YOU CANNOT TELL ME HOW TO LIVE MY LIFE.
Don't come up to me and say, hey, that's just reality.
That's your crappy reality.
My reality is different.
My reality will not be defined by your reality.
My reality is what I define it to be.
I will make this life mine.
I will embrace this life.
I will make it good.
I will be do the best that I can.
This is a new beginning for me.
And I will do my best.
And I will make it good.
No, I will make it extraordinary.
And this will be my life.
And I will forever be grateful for everything and everyone.