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Radiance.

So I have been in my home department for almost a month.

It's easy to turn to my colleague and go, oh, I would like that job. I would love to do that.
It's very ENFP of me.

But I refuse.
Some people been saying that I might just drown because it's technical.
And on some days, even I kick the dust in the air and go, ah, why is this so complicated?

But at the end of the day, I will persist.
At the end of the day, I won't drown.
I will float.
I will add value.
And I will be better.
And I will continue to grow.

But most of all, I am enjoying myself.
I am enjoying learning.
I am enjoying being in this place, knowing that I am able to finally start my career path properly again.
Knowing that I am in a good starting point.

And I will work hard to get to where I want.

And that makes me so radiant and confident.
Recent posts

The older I become, the more the distance grows.

I am slowly turning this blog into a diary.
And personally, I am fine with that.
Diary. Blogs. Journals. 
They are all the same.
They are simply a place of expressions.

Only difference is, here, it's for all to see.
Whereas diaries and journals are hidden in my bedroom for my eyes only.
But since I'm trying to practice honest living.
Writing here isn't a bad start.

To be honest, living honestly is definitely difficult.
Why?

My values are clearly so different from the people around me.
And because of that, it creates alot of friction.
Since I decided to live honestly, I am less willing to hide or pretend.
So I wear my heart and opinions on the sleeves and that turns the frictions into arguments. 

I still live with my parents.
And I'm Asian.

Meaning?
Asian parents have a way with them.
It's always about following their rules.
Whether or not it makes any sense.

Being a person who always had my own thoughts and opinions,
it's difficult when people tell you,
HEY DO THIS BECAUSE THIS IS TH…

Work

So it's been a week and a half since I came back to my home department. Initially, I was worried that I would dislike it but at the same time, I was trying to be optimistic.

Well, luckily for me, so far I like what I see.

I definitely have a lot to learn.

But it looks like alot of fun.


To search out data and try to analyse them.
To design the promotions in the system.

Honestly, that's the things that I have been exposed to.

 I also need to learn SQL. It's something like a coding language. 

It reminds me of my past and how some things just come back to you in the end.

Back in high school, I used to help lazy ass people beautify their friendster profile and blogs using HTML coding.

I knew only simple basic ones or the decorative ones.

I took a long time to learn those. 
Although I did feel that was so cool back then, I didn't continue with learning it.

WHY?

Because it felt that I took too long to learn something basic. Thus, to be really good at this, I would have to take a really, re…

Bumped into an old friend.

Just yesterday I bumped into an old friend in a forum that I was attending. 

In the past, he and I were very good friends.

At one point in my life, we were on the phone every day for hours.

We joked, talked and teased. And in those moments, I felt like he was a good close friend of mine.
We weren't from the same school so I dare not assume that I was his good close friend. But due to my lack of good high school experiences, he felt like a good close friend to me. This is something I never said to him.
However, at this age, I always felt our friendship would go on and on. 

Although nothing terrible happened to our friendship but time and distance took its toll.

We just got so caught up with our lives, dreams and goals that we spoke less and less. And soon, we spoke none at all. Years passed and we were out of each other lives.

When I saw him, it felt a little unreal. I recognized him.  But he looked different. Somewhat older and taller. We smiled at each other. At that moment, I realized t…

Honeymoon & restlessness.

Well, my training in the branch attachment is over.
This means that work wise, my honeymoon period is over.

To be honest, the branch attachment has been a honeymoon period because all I did was observe how a branch function, take note of it and then write a report about it.

Technically, I haven't really started working.

So now, this honeymoon period is over. 

And honestly, I am worried about going back to my real department where my real work start.

I'm worried that it may be boring because it will be a back end job about data.
So that means there will be loads of staring at the computer and loads of data while being surrounded by technical work.

I haven't never been a technical person and I get bored easily thus, I worry.

However, I can take this as a challenge. To challenge myself to focus on more technical things. To stop being so bored easily. To focus. 

Other than that, in the long run, I know this career will be good for me because I have a feeling that the future would requir…

Got alot on my mind

I just been thinking alot.

My training is going to end soon.

And so I am going back to my home department next week. Soon.

It worries me.

But at the same time, I am curious to know.

Hopefully it would be good.

And that's all I can say.

So yea!

Adult?

I think being an adult is definitely interesting.
I wouldn't say I'm an adult adult because sometimes I truly do feel like a child. Confused, not knowledgeable and afraid.

It's been a year since I graduated.
And yet, so much has happened in a year.

Let's go back to high school first.
I must admit there is one thing I do miss about high school and that's having loads of time to explore what I wanted.
Despite wanting to grow up quickly to escape the boring conundrum of a routine high school life, when I look back now, it's what I miss.

In high school, it was okay to not know what you want. After all, you had the excuse of being young. 
In high school, it was okay to throw your fist in the air, being frustrated and rebelling against the system. After all, you're young. This is the best time to do this.

The high school routine gave me a comfort of having something to do and not thinking much about it because everyone did it. I hate to admit this but looking back, I real…