Sunday, February 19, 2017


My family recently are planning a trip to the UK. 
It's gonna be expensive.
And it's been a huge headache lately.
We haven't planned.

But planning with my parents gives me a headache and it annoys me.
As for financially, it hurts me to watch a year of savings go down the drain for one trip.

This is why travel will not be a priority for now.

Don't get me wrong.
I do enjoy travelling.
Does it broaden my mind?
Yes it does.

But I don't like the idea of saving every penny and then spending it all on a few days.
Not my idea of fun.
If anything, it feels like a heartbreak.

This is why travel to me is a luxury for now.

I am not saying I don't want to travel.

I am saying I prioritise other things for now.

I want to be able to increase my earning power more first.
I want to focus on my career and other aspects of my life. 

Because I want to be able to travel with ease.
I don't want to save each penny and spend it with caution at the back of my head.

I want to spend it like it's okay.
Because I can afford this.
Because my consumer surplus is higher than this.

So yea.

But with a new airline route that was recently added in my country. It was to Honolulu which is in Hawaii.

This has ignited my travel bug.
Although I don't prioritise travelling, I do admit that occasionally, I want to travel.

Hawaii has always been somewhere I wanted to go because I heard that the beaches there are amazing. So yea.

But for now, thanks to this trip, I know that I won't be able to travel for sometime. Maybe a few years.

So to ease my travel bug, I am gonna make a list of places I wanna go, just to remind myself that one day, I will be afford to go to these places with my eyes closed and my heart easy.

  • Hawaii
  • California
  • Los Angeles
  • Paris
  • Europe
  • Czech Republic
  • Japan (Kyoto)
  • Greece
Yea, it's a short list.

I am someone who only go to places that I want to.
I don't claim to want to travel the world. 
Because I don't.

I just want to go to places that I felt that my soul would be comfortable with.
Places that I think my soul is home to.

So yea.

Friday, February 10, 2017

Writing & Me

Recently, I joined this organisation where I help to write anime reviewing articles. They claim to be this cool start up where hopefully this is something we can do for a living. Honestly, would I like that sort of living? I’m not sure but I thought to myself, since I like anime, it’s something I could try.
I am slightly beginning to feel that this organisation and I aren’t going to work out.
Why do I say that?
Well, my writing is not for hire. I do not write in order to please people. Hence, I do not give a damn if my style isn’t “accurate” or “formal”. When I write, I write for myself first. I write to express myself. The reason why I write is because I have a lot on my mind.
Writing is something very sacred to me. So don’t blame me if I hold on tight to it and act defensive about it.
You have to understand that when I was younger, I felt that I shouldn’t write because I wasn’t an author. And even if I wrote, I was no one. I was nothing.
I understand that my writing as a child was shallow and lacked a lot of things. But one time, as a child, I was told that I shouldn’t write because it was bad. And ever since then, I stopped. I would write bits and pieces here and there from time to time. But I didn’t allow myself to write because I wasn’t a “writer”.
Then, I entered high school. I watched a girl who wrote despite being bad at it. I watched a girl who wrote because she loved it. She didn’t care if she was good in the craft. What mattered was that she worked on it. What mattered was that she enjoyed it. She admitted that she wasn’t good. But what I admired about her was that she wrote despite people saying it sucked. I actually asked her why she wrote even though so many people told her not to since she sucked.
I will never forget her reply. She looked at me, straight in the eye and said, “Because I enjoy it. It’s fun.”
It didn’t matter to her that people told her she sucked. She wrote because she enjoyed it. True, she admitted she was no good in it but what mattered was that she enjoyed herself. It was her craft, she said. She was a writer because she enjoyed writing. It was as simple as that.
Because of her bravery, I told myself, there is no excuse for me to not write. So I started writing, despite all my fears and insecurities. I think the worst part of insecurities is the fact that, you can hear their voices in your head. The voices of others, telling you that you suck and that you should stop.
But I chose to write despite my fear. And funnily enough, although I wasn’t good at it, I found that I didn’t care about that. What I cared about was how to build my characters and world. What I love was trying to express my soul in words. It felt like painting but with words. And I became very good friends with that girl. We both wrote together and created a world where the words of outsider can’t hurt us.
When it comes to writing, my only regret is starting so late. I wished I started earlier. I wished I honed it. Any mastery of a skill comes from practice.
My writing back then was absolutely horrible. If I were to read it today, I would definitely be cringing the entire time.  But as all craft, there will always be a time where you are horrible at it. Despite many of those works are crap, I am proud of them because it was an experimental age where I was still trying to find my style and voice in writing.
I tried to follow many writing advice. From writing less to show and not tell. I found that only one advice truly worked.
And it was a simple advice. It was practice.
Because styles will differ. Some will write with bombastic words and superfluous sentences. While some will write short simple sentences. Some will paint great images with sensations.
You just got to find the style that fits you or the story at that time.
Because if there are bestselling books where there is no proper grammar or sentences or even where pages are cut to create a sense of realism, it only shows that there is no “rule of thumb”.
Just remember to learn your grammar. Figure out what you want to portray in your writing. And then just go with that.
One day, with enough practice, the words will flow from your fingers like it does for me. I wouldn’t say that writing has always been easy for me all the time. That’s not true. Sometimes, words get stuck or I can’t seem to find the right word or right way to phrase it.
Hence, when someone comes up to me from the organisation to tell me that, they can help me with my writing, it makes me laugh. Because I know they can’t help me.
Because to help me write better is to understand my reason for writing.
Although that reason is simple which is, to express myself.
It also means that I won’t listen to “technical” advice. Why?
Because I refuse to be boxed in. I refuse to follow “the right way” to write because I believe there is none.
Trust me, I have done my years of practice and following the “right way” to write.
But I’m done with that.
If Picasso took a lifetime to draw how he wants to draw and not follow the “conventional” school ways, so can I.
Although I want to improve in my writing, it has to be done my way.
This is why I can never be a journalist or a columnist that has to adhere to a certain way of writing.
Free style isn’t always good. It’s a mess. It can be all over the place. It can be contradicting.
But I hate it when people say that.
Because as humans, we are a mess. We contradict ourselves all the time. We say things that we don’t mean sometimes. Sometimes we are harsh. Sometimes we are kind. We are dynamic and ever evolving.
And as a writer, I want my writing to be as honest as I am.
I want it to be real and raw.
As much as I want my words to be beautiful, I do not want to hide up all the things that makes us human.
I write because I want to express the things that people don’t want to see or rarely see because the world likes to hide it.
And that’s the mess that we all make as humans.
And as any artist, we will try to make this mess as beautiful as we can. But I want people to see it nonetheless.
So no. I can’t be boxed up with my writing. And I won’t be.
And if the organisation can’t deal with that, I will just leave.

After all, being a writer is the part where my soul is free. Hence, I am not afraid. Even if no one reads my words, it doesn’t matter. What matters is, I wrote it and it’s out there for those who wants to see and listen.

Friday, February 3, 2017

La La Land

I absolutely adore this movie.

I love everything about it.
Even the heartbreaking ending that made me tear up in the cinema.

I love La La Land for bringing back the charming classic hollywood with a musical twist. 
I love how the characters break out in songs and dances every once in a while.

I even love the way the film was directed. To portray how Hollywood was magical and how the characters were wrapped up in their own dreams, it felt both electric and surreal. 

I also love how the two main characters stated that they wouldn't fall in love with each other and yet, cliche as it is, they fell in love with each other.

But what I wanted to talk about is Mia and Seb's relationship.

How it's was beautifully done
How when they fell in love, they were both happy and delirious in their own world.
And then, life came along.
He felt obliged to get a "steady" job.
But she just wanted to be happy and to achieve his dream.

Because of that, they fought.
But that was kinda like the beginning of the end.
Because of that, things happened. And although they supported each other's dream at first.
In the end, their relationship suffered because each of them went their own way to achieve their own dreams.

I like how their relationship wasn't portrayed as unhealthy and toxic.
There was no cliche crazy woman jealousy or male dislike to their woman disobeying them or achieving their own dreams.

In fact, it was done so well that it was scary.
Because when they fought, the words were sharp. 
And although it was not fair for the guy to say something so mean.
It's obvious that he didn't want to hurt her. Or make her mad. But it was too late. He already said mean things.

But the crazy thing is, he got that job because he wanted to make her happy by proving that he could have something steady.
But she knew that this won't make him happy. So she's asking if he's happy.
And because of that, they actually fought.

So in the end, they drifted apart and they achieved their own dreams.

But it was heartbreaking because of them wished that they were still together. 

The heartbreaking scene was beautiful.

Maybe it's because I know what it is like to lose someone. 
And although years have passed and your life is fine with them.
You would always think about them time from time.

And they are the one person you wish you didn't lose.

But you did.
That's life.
and you just got to deal with that.

So yea.

Sunday, January 29, 2017



Sorry that I haven't been blogging in a while.

Work really got in the way.

And I have been pretty frustrated for a while.

I'm frustrated because I still feel confused about my career life.

But I will figure it out.

I am determined to figure it out.

Even though 2017 doesn't seem great so far thanks to Trump administration in USA, I am determined to have a good year.

So yea

Monday, December 12, 2016

The red thread of fate

I just watched kimi no wa. (Kimi no wa is this amazing animated film) 

Watching this movie made me think of the red thread of fate.

Honestly, I cannot say I do not believe in this.

The red thread of fate does not only mean soulmate. No.
The red thread of fate is for everyone that you ever met. 
The red thread of fate means that everyone you ever met was meant for you. They were supposed to be there for you.
That's their fate. 
Just as you are supposed to be there for them. 
That's your fate.

I cannot treat the red thread of fate as rubbish because for me, it is real.

There have been people who come in my life and I thought they were important but in the end, they left. 
In that sense, it means that our red thread of fate has ended. It was there in the past but now, it's severed.

And then there are people that you meet that somehow they become very important. 
This is also the red thread of fate. 
They came into your life because that's their fate and your fate.

When that movie said that some ties will connect, break, twist and reconnect.
And this is true because this does happen.

So for me, I do believe in this strongly.

People will come into your life and some will leave while others will stay.
And it's all for a certain reason.

So yea. 

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Decisions after decisions

This will be a rather serious and long post. So yea. I have warned ya~! Muahaha~!

Life is a series of decisions.

When we are younger, we don't quite see it.
Maybe because those decisions don't seem too important such as what to eat.

Even in university, those decisions didn't seem as heavy as it is now.
Such as what to study?
Even though choosing what to study was important as it did set the course for the future
But it was not earth shattering.
No matter what I studied, it didn't matter. After all, people could get jobs that weren't related to what they studied. The future can change.

And with that, I chose to study what I love.
Hence, it wasn't a really hard decision at all.

But now, these decisions are heavy.
Because it directly impacts the future.
Whatever I choose now will directly change my future path.
But then again, the thing about the future is that it's fluid.

It can always change if you don't like it and decide to change it.

Currently, I have made a decision to not further my studies.
I decided to stay in the working world.
Because I truly do enjoy the financial freedom it brings. I like the idea of controlling my finances and planning my life.
And studying would mean the end of that as I would probably be dependent again and whatever plans for the future that I have would probably be on hold. 

Honestly, I am not that patient. After all, I can always further my studies later when I find it necessary.

I think my main problem is that I am afraid of making a wrong mistake. Of taking the wrong turn. 
I don't want to waste time. After all, I already feel the clock ticking.

Even though I am aware that everyone is on a different time chart and path. I shouldn't compare. I should take my time and just enjoy the journey.
I know all this.
And yet sometimes, I just feel extremely frustrated and restless.

Second decision, I am not renewing this job contract after the year ends. 

Honestly, this is not a bad job. The people are great and the company is not bad. However, job scope wise, this is not what I want.
I don't hate my job.
But I don't love it either.

I guess the problem with my generation is that we were thought to chase our dreams, live our passion and be happy.
We forget that sometimes, this doesn't happen all the time.
We forget that we must find a dream and a passion.
We forget that we must sacrifice in order to achieve.

And when we are just mediocre, it feels like a curse because all our life, we were told we were special.

Frankly, I don't blame our parents. They wanted the best for us. They wanted us to believe that we could do anything if we put our heart and soul into something. And honestly, they aren't wrong.

But we forget that sometimes before you can run, you must learn to crawl and then to walk. 
And we forget, in that process we will fall.
And my, we are so afraid of falling.

Or maybe this is just relevant to me. It isn't my generation fault. It's mine.

I want more. 
But what more do I want?
Suddenly, I cannot answer.

I want to be happy and to go after my passion.
But ask me how to be happy and what is my passion.
Suddenly, I grow silent.

I know this requires me to figure out.
I been sitting and thinking this entire time. My mind churning. 
Although I managed to make two decisions already.
I still haven't made one more.

I haven't decided if I want to stay in this industry or leave it.

What industry am I in? Well, I studied economics and management. My job is currently an accounting one. But the industry I mean is related to economics and management such as finance.

If I do move away from this industry, I will move to either event management or to life coaching.

I was a coach in holiday camps as a teenager and it was something I have always enjoyed. And honestly, I could picture myself doing this for life. So I am fine with it.

As for event management, during those holiday camps, we would have to deal with the planning of the camp so I picked up a few event management skills along the way. And honestly, I enjoy it too. It's fun, insane and filled with adrenaline rush. Not sure if I can handle this all the time but it sure is fun. 

The reason why I am reluctant to move away from my industry is because I want to use the knowledge I acquire from degree. However, is that the job for me? I am still uncertain. 
After all, I do love money and I love the rush and bustle of trading. So yea.

I am still uncertain.

If you have stuck this long, I am now asking you. What should I decide? Help me? Thanks for sticking so long and most of all, thanks for helping me decide. 

What should I decide?

Stay in the current industry
Event management
Life coach

Friday, November 25, 2016

My transcript arrived.

so my transcript finally arrived. 

It's not my convocation but it means so much to me.

3 years worth of effort, tears, blood and sweat. And not to forget the thousand of dollars paid for it.

I saw it. 

And it was worth it.

I trembled as I held it.

I was full of pride.
I was full of joy.

It signify my success. My journey.

And it has been a great one.

Sadly, now it's time for a new journey.

What's next after my degree?

I have a job. Personally, I don't hate it.

But the question is what is my next move?

Honestly, I am still figuring that out.

It was slightly frustrating.

But in the end, I will just try to do all and since which will have the best results?

I know it sounds very flaky. 

But I trust the universe. And I trust its plan for me.

All this time, it has not failed me. In fact, it has helped and save me many times.

So I will trust it again.