Skip to main content

A story of a cutter.

This is the first blog post that will have nothing to do with me but rather of a close friend of mine. I want to post her story as I want her voice to be heard.(Yea, she doesn't blog or tweet)
This close friend of mine is a cutter. She cuts herself. I, myself too wondered why would she do such a thing.
Was it a punishment?
Was it a hobby?
What was it?


So this close friend of mine, named T. She is an ordinary 16 year old girl like me, the only differences is that she cuts herself. You think that she may come from a screwed up family with issues. But that was not her case.
She had 2 wonderful parents who loved her and showered her with love. They never really pressured her on anything.

She is smart, thin, from a well to do family and pretty. So...where exactly does her problem lie?
She said that she started cutting by accident. She started when she was 14 years old. She accidently cut herself on a broken glass while picking pieces of broken vase. When the glass cut her skin, make her bleed. It felt good and icy. Her mind felt alive and hynoptized by the blood that drip out.

The pain she said was like an adreanaline rush.It made her feel good. Sometimes, she would play with her blood by trying to write with it. Sometimes, she would taste her blood. She said, it didn't taste good. It just tasted salty and irony. But she would begin to panic when too much blood bled out. Immediately, she would try to stop the bleeding.

Then, when the cut began to scar, she would regret it. She would wish she didn't cut. A part of her wanted the scar to go away so that she could move on and a part of her wanted the scar to stay because she wanted to remind herself.
Then, she would began the terrible cycle all over again.

I asked her why she do this. She said, she herself didn't know. But soon, she realised that it was because of her self-esteem. She may seem confident on the outside but she was very doubtful and afraid in the inside.
She mocked herself every single day. She didn't had any nice words for herself even if the entire world praised her.

She also felt that everything was her fault, her responsibilty. She always felt that she should have done more, said more or cared more.

Everyday, she hides her scars. I asked her if she was ever going to get help. She said she didn't know. She was scared. She knew she needed help but she didn't have the courage to say so. (And to make it worse, her father is a psychiatrist. Yea, her dad doesn't know.)
She said that maybe she would get help one day. But she was afraid that people would look at her and think of her as a crazy loony person. I told her she wasn't crazy. She simply smiled.

I talked to her and be by herside. She has always been by mine. We were so close that we even learned to play the same instrument, the violin so that we could duet with each other and to see who improved faster. We even stopped playing the violin at the same time. (BTW, T, I plan to relearn the violin so...you get my drift.)

I hope she will get help. I hope she will learn to chill & accept herself but I know it will not be so easy.
IF you have a friend in need, help them.

I hope you understand cutters better. I hope you won't look at them as a crazy loony person. I hope you will help your friend in need. Or rather, anyone in need.

Take care, T. I hope the next time I see you, I hope you'll be better. If you're reading this. Sorry...I did warn you about my blogging disease. XP

Comments

Luffy Sam said…
So sad to hear that.
So worry about her.

Beside my friends !!
No people actting like her.
For me or other people also will think she is crazy but I know crazy people not born started is crazy or what !!

They may be got bad things past though their life only.
I know if we find out their need.
They will no problem and happy healthy again.

If one days I need a friend like that.
I will try helpping them, love them ,care them.
Because I know, let me to know her or him is means GOD let us to meet up !!

Thank for sharing it.

Popular posts from this blog

Dear me,

I watched an anime where a girl managed to write a letter to her past self of ten years. True, that's not possible in reality but the concept of that is interesting. She wrote to her ten years younger self to avoid her regrets. She wanted her past self to change certain decisions in the past so that her current self won't have any regrets.

Personally, I wouldn't want to tell my past self to change her decisions to avoid regrets. Do I have regrets? Yes. But I won't change them because I learnt from them. And that has been grow as a person. So I don't quite regret that.

However, if I could write a letter to my past self, it would be fun. If I were to write to my ten years younger self, that would be my 13 year old self. And this is what I would love to say.

Dear me,

Hello there. This is your 23 year old self. I know, it's unbelievable. You can barely imagine yourself at that age currently. 
I still remember being 13. Vaguely. My memory isn't that great.

But I remem…

An open letter to the scared and confused dreamers.

This is a letter for myself. But this is also a letter for those who find themselves in the same place as I am.

I'm going to admit that life is different from what I initially thought when I was younger.

When I was younger, I assumed that by now, I would have reached or be somewhat close to the life of my dreams.

But now that I reach this point, I realised that I was wrong. I did not take into account that tertiary education took years. Personally, I don't regret my tertiary education because I did enjoy it. Yes, it was insane and difficult but it was fun and I met amazing people there.

It's been a year since my graduation and I find myself being frustrated. I felt disappointed in myself because no, I don't have my own apartment and no, I'm not rocking that cool ass job that I always  dreamed of. But no, I don't hate my job either. In that sense, I'm fortunate I suppose. But I feel that it may not be the kind of thing that I want to do.

However, for me, to get t…

Alter ego, SUIT UP!!

Man, it feels odd to have people believe in you at the very moment you do not trust yourself. It feels odd to hear people's praises of you when you're feeling incapable. So I guess, it's time for one of my many alter ego to suit up if I wanna win that debate competition!!

Like any other person, I have many alter ego's...and I'm gonna list most of them today.


Ms Drama Queen
Likes :Attention and spotlight. She's a diva.
Dislikes :People stealing her spotlight or not getting her spotlight.
She is : A real drama queen. She whines & complains alot though. She thinks that the world revolves around her.
Can't handle :Ms Productive


Ms Arrogant
Likes : Winning, winning and winning.
Dislikes : Losing and losers.
She is : A real mean arrogant person. She really doesn't care about the other people. She thinks she is the best. Mostly, she thinks that her opponents aren't even her equal unless they have proven otherwise. Even then, she still thinks she is better than …