Skip to main content

The threads of fate?



Sometimes, it's hard not to believe that each of us have own fate.

Just only months ago, I was dead set on a goal. It was either I achieve that goal or I just forget it. I didn't have other plans. It was the goal or I don't do it at all.

But then, we are only human. We can plan but just because we plan doesn't mean it will work out the way we want it to be.

And as all things, my plan began to unravel. Sometimes , things worked out and sometimes, it didn't. But at the end of the day, the goal that I wanted so much began to be unpractical under my current circumstances.

Then, at certain times, it felt like my plan began to crumble and I felt absolutely sad.



It took a while but I had to accept that the goal I wanted so much had a high chance of not happening. 
I had to tell myself that it didn't matter and that was really hard.

But now, that I have accepted the possible realities, other things begin to pop up.
A reality that was so much more practical and desirable.

And then, suddenly, my old goal had a tiny revival. It suddenly became possible. The chances are slim but nonetheless, it could be possible.

So now, I'm stuck between a practical reality and the old goal.

Both are very tempting and beautiful. Each have their advantages and disadvantages. 

Then again, I know that my old goal may not happen but this new slim chance has given me hope. 
I'm afraid that this time, I may not be able to let this go. I will not be able to accept the truth. A huge part of me wants to just hold on and never let go. 




This old goal isn't exactly important nor does it matter now. But it is just that this is what I wanted ever since I was young and letting go of this makes me feel sad as this is what I have held on since I was young.

But this makes me feel that there is fate because no matter what choice I thought wasn't possible can become possible, later on.
It feels like there's fate because it feels like that path is meant for you and thus, you will walk it sooner or later.

Just like when I was 16, I entered the class that had Economics subject but I never thought I would want to study it as a degree. It wasn't in my choice. Then, as time passes, now, I might be doing it as a degree.
It's fate sometimes.

But then again, as much as there is fate. Sometimes, we make our own fate.

As for me right now, I am still undecided if I should study Economics or Psychology for my degree and I'm hoping for a scholarship because I don't want to spend my parents money. I have been using way too much of their money.

But no matter what happens, it will be alright.

We should just be happy. 


Comments

Kath Lee said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kath Lee said…
True. Just hold on to what you still want to hold on, let go when you feel like letting go. Accept it when you are ready to, dont accept it if you are not ready to. I'm sure you can get scholarship and a good course. In the end, I believe things will turn out in a good way, we just have to wait. Or even if they don't turn out in a good way, that doesn't mean they will turn out to be bad either.

Popular posts from this blog

Much Ado About Our Healthcare

During this week, something terrible but hilarious when you looked back, happened to me.

It was a normal Monday morning. It was close to the end of the month, so I was awaiting for my salary to come in. I was just trying to just hold on till the end of the month. Typical monday. Nothing eventful yet.

Then, it was lunchtime.
I went to lunch with my colleagues.
I ordered myself a lovely nasi kukus with ikan keli. That means steamed rice with catfish for those of you who don't read malay. 

One of my colleague often order this and it always looked good so I decided to give it a try.

Bad mistake.

I ended up having a fishbone stuck in my throat. When you think of it, it's pretty silly. But it scared the living daylights out of me at that moment. I tried swallowing rice to push the fishbone down but after half a bowl later, I found it to be not working.

I heard from my dad when I was younger that, if a fishbone get stuck in your throat, you had to do an operation. And that only fueled my fea…

An open letter to the scared and confused dreamers.

This is a letter for myself. But this is also a letter for those who find themselves in the same place as I am.

I'm going to admit that life is different from what I initially thought when I was younger.

When I was younger, I assumed that by now, I would have reached or be somewhat close to the life of my dreams.

But now that I reach this point, I realised that I was wrong. I did not take into account that tertiary education took years. Personally, I don't regret my tertiary education because I did enjoy it. Yes, it was insane and difficult but it was fun and I met amazing people there.

It's been a year since my graduation and I find myself being frustrated. I felt disappointed in myself because no, I don't have my own apartment and no, I'm not rocking that cool ass job that I always  dreamed of. But no, I don't hate my job either. In that sense, I'm fortunate I suppose. But I feel that it may not be the kind of thing that I want to do.

However, for me, to get t…

Design Thinking and Steve Jobs

This is going to be a long post and I apologize. 

Anyway my department meeting yesterday talked about design thinking and it only reminded me of Steve Jobs.

I have always loved Apple and Steve Jobs. I know Steve Jobs wasn't the greatest guy ever. He could have been nicer and etc. But this is not about that. This is about his vision, his beliefs and philosophy. I never quite realised how much I believed in Steve Jobs philosophy until I sat down and thought about it. 

I admired Steve Jobs philosophy of design first. I don't know if he was the first guy who made design thinking into a thing. Or if he is the one who popularize that thinking?

Minimalism. Simplicity. Clean. Aesthetics. User friendly. He made sure Apple designs abide by this. And this is what I have always loved about Apple. He made technology sexy, beautiful and cool. 

I never quite realised that I, myself, believed in these values.

But today, as I sat down and think, I realised that, the older I grow, the more I have tu…