Sometimes, it's hard not to believe that each of us have own fate.
Just only months ago, I was dead set on a goal. It was either I achieve that goal or I just forget it. I didn't have other plans. It was the goal or I don't do it at all.
But then, we are only human. We can plan but just because we plan doesn't mean it will work out the way we want it to be.
And as all things, my plan began to unravel. Sometimes , things worked out and sometimes, it didn't. But at the end of the day, the goal that I wanted so much began to be unpractical under my current circumstances.
Then, at certain times, it felt like my plan began to crumble and I felt absolutely sad.
It took a while but I had to accept that the goal I wanted so much had a high chance of not happening.
I had to tell myself that it didn't matter and that was really hard.
But now, that I have accepted the possible realities, other things begin to pop up.
A reality that was so much more practical and desirable.
And then, suddenly, my old goal had a tiny revival. It suddenly became possible. The chances are slim but nonetheless, it could be possible.
So now, I'm stuck between a practical reality and the old goal.
Both are very tempting and beautiful. Each have their advantages and disadvantages.
Then again, I know that my old goal may not happen but this new slim chance has given me hope.
I'm afraid that this time, I may not be able to let this go. I will not be able to accept the truth. A huge part of me wants to just hold on and never let go.
This old goal isn't exactly important nor does it matter now. But it is just that this is what I wanted ever since I was young and letting go of this makes me feel sad as this is what I have held on since I was young.
But this makes me feel that there is fate because no matter what choice I thought wasn't possible can become possible, later on.
It feels like there's fate because it feels like that path is meant for you and thus, you will walk it sooner or later.
Just like when I was 16, I entered the class that had Economics subject but I never thought I would want to study it as a degree. It wasn't in my choice. Then, as time passes, now, I might be doing it as a degree.
It's fate sometimes.
But then again, as much as there is fate. Sometimes, we make our own fate.
As for me right now, I am still undecided if I should study Economics or Psychology for my degree and I'm hoping for a scholarship because I don't want to spend my parents money. I have been using way too much of their money.
But no matter what happens, it will be alright.
We should just be happy.