Skip to main content

Writer's block?

Let me warn you first. This may turn out to be quite a long ranting post. So yea.

Frankly, I'm not really sure to call this a writer's block. I mean, I know how the story go and I know how it would end. 
But every time, I stare at the blank screen, I don't know what to write for that moment.

World's Apart. One of my stories. It already has 50000 words. I should finish it. But I don't how to pick it up from where it left off.

And apart of me, wants to reedit it or to rewrite it. I don't know why. But when I want to do it, I just get so lazy or so demotivated.

I guess, I feel embarrassed. When I reread some parts of World's Apart, I just feel so humiliated. I see it's ugly flaws, it's terrible cliche plot device or it's horrible character development. Then, I get so mad by it. 

I mean, I'm angry because I don't want to disappoint my characters. There are always so beautiful. 
I love all of them and I want their stories to be told properly.
But for some reason, I can't write right now. Yet, I want to write so badly.

I guess, I'm also afraid. If I do finish World's Apart, it feels like, they are leaving me. It's odd, I suppose. 
It's pathetic but I don't want them to leave me and I also don't want to leave them.

I'm not sure about other writers but for me, when I write, my characters become alive. Even though, I created them, they have their own life. And as I write and live, they live and as they live, the more I live.

I need them more than they need me. They are babies and no matter what, I love them. They are even more perfect than me despite of all their flaws and sufferings.

Clamp Pictures, Images and Photos

Despite World's Apart having loads of flaws, I still love it. It's still one of my babies. And I will be forever proud of it.

But I made up my mind, I will finish World's Apart. 

Then, after World's Apart, I will write my other stories.

To be honest, despite how flawed my story plots are or my own writing is, I will forever be proud of all my characters.
My characters are all so beautiful. Flawed yet perfect.

Clamp Pictures, Images and Photos

And just like CLAMP (my favourite storytellers), I like to experiment as well. I like to combine two different stories and worlds together just to see what I can get. I like to put a character from another story into a whole different story.

I hope that one day, I will be as good as CLAMP, being able to weave different elements into a story to create a beautiful work of art. Most of all, being able to create a good story.

Right now, all I am is an amateur, who is trying to put different elements into a story and is failing miserably. 
I need to do my characters justice. 
I need to be a better writer. 

Anyhow, this is my current lists of stories that have been circling in my head. 
(from most developed to most under developed)
  • World's Apart
  • Xerxes
  • Lunette Anya Lux
  • Nathan and Laura
  • King's Advisor
  • The Drifter
  • Aeon
  • Magica
Yup, I know. I have a lot of stories. But they are my stories. One day, maybe, one day in the future, I will be able to finish them all.

And even when I finish, I hope I will find more stories to write. 

Writing is just my way of living. The more I write, the more I get to live. It's my therapy, it's my expression and it's my babies. 

Everything I write has some symbolic meaning in it. Everything I write has a certain place in my heart and has helped me in certain moments. 

My writing shows my life and everything I have been through. But that's only if you can find the links. 

And I wonder, can you find the links?


Kath Lee said…
AAARGHHH. ALL MY FEELS. I also have a story which I HAVE to finish but I get demotivated everytime when I tried to write it. Staring at the computer screen and IDK what to do with it for some reasons but yeah, I DO really want to finish it. Good or Bad.
carmensakura07 said…
YES, LET'S FINISH OUR STORIES. Let's just force ourselves to write.

No matter what happens, they are our stories. Good or Bad. We will be proud of it.

After all, they are part of us & I don't know about you but they represent me in this moment and have helped me through it.

So no matter what, they will always be a part of us.

Popular posts from this blog

Much Ado About Our Healthcare

During this week, something terrible but hilarious when you looked back, happened to me.

It was a normal Monday morning. It was close to the end of the month, so I was awaiting for my salary to come in. I was just trying to just hold on till the end of the month. Typical monday. Nothing eventful yet.

Then, it was lunchtime.
I went to lunch with my colleagues.
I ordered myself a lovely nasi kukus with ikan keli. That means steamed rice with catfish for those of you who don't read malay. 

One of my colleague often order this and it always looked good so I decided to give it a try.

Bad mistake.

I ended up having a fishbone stuck in my throat. When you think of it, it's pretty silly. But it scared the living daylights out of me at that moment. I tried swallowing rice to push the fishbone down but after half a bowl later, I found it to be not working.

I heard from my dad when I was younger that, if a fishbone get stuck in your throat, you had to do an operation. And that only fueled my fea…

An open letter to the scared and confused dreamers.

This is a letter for myself. But this is also a letter for those who find themselves in the same place as I am.

I'm going to admit that life is different from what I initially thought when I was younger.

When I was younger, I assumed that by now, I would have reached or be somewhat close to the life of my dreams.

But now that I reach this point, I realised that I was wrong. I did not take into account that tertiary education took years. Personally, I don't regret my tertiary education because I did enjoy it. Yes, it was insane and difficult but it was fun and I met amazing people there.

It's been a year since my graduation and I find myself being frustrated. I felt disappointed in myself because no, I don't have my own apartment and no, I'm not rocking that cool ass job that I always  dreamed of. But no, I don't hate my job either. In that sense, I'm fortunate I suppose. But I feel that it may not be the kind of thing that I want to do.

However, for me, to get t…

Alter ego, SUIT UP!!

Man, it feels odd to have people believe in you at the very moment you do not trust yourself. It feels odd to hear people's praises of you when you're feeling incapable. So I guess, it's time for one of my many alter ego to suit up if I wanna win that debate competition!!

Like any other person, I have many alter ego's...and I'm gonna list most of them today.

Ms Drama Queen
Likes :Attention and spotlight. She's a diva.
Dislikes :People stealing her spotlight or not getting her spotlight.
She is : A real drama queen. She whines & complains alot though. She thinks that the world revolves around her.
Can't handle :Ms Productive

Ms Arrogant
Likes : Winning, winning and winning.
Dislikes : Losing and losers.
She is : A real mean arrogant person. She really doesn't care about the other people. She thinks she is the best. Mostly, she thinks that her opponents aren't even her equal unless they have proven otherwise. Even then, she still thinks she is better than …