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Writer's block?

Let me warn you first. This may turn out to be quite a long ranting post. So yea.

Frankly, I'm not really sure to call this a writer's block. I mean, I know how the story go and I know how it would end. 
But every time, I stare at the blank screen, I don't know what to write for that moment.

World's Apart. One of my stories. It already has 50000 words. I should finish it. But I don't how to pick it up from where it left off.

And apart of me, wants to reedit it or to rewrite it. I don't know why. But when I want to do it, I just get so lazy or so demotivated.

I guess, I feel embarrassed. When I reread some parts of World's Apart, I just feel so humiliated. I see it's ugly flaws, it's terrible cliche plot device or it's horrible character development. Then, I get so mad by it. 

I mean, I'm angry because I don't want to disappoint my characters. There are always so beautiful. 
I love all of them and I want their stories to be told properly.
But for some reason, I can't write right now. Yet, I want to write so badly.

I guess, I'm also afraid. If I do finish World's Apart, it feels like, they are leaving me. It's odd, I suppose. 
It's pathetic but I don't want them to leave me and I also don't want to leave them.

I'm not sure about other writers but for me, when I write, my characters become alive. Even though, I created them, they have their own life. And as I write and live, they live and as they live, the more I live.

I need them more than they need me. They are babies and no matter what, I love them. They are even more perfect than me despite of all their flaws and sufferings.

Clamp Pictures, Images and Photos

Despite World's Apart having loads of flaws, I still love it. It's still one of my babies. And I will be forever proud of it.

But I made up my mind, I will finish World's Apart. 

Then, after World's Apart, I will write my other stories.

To be honest, despite how flawed my story plots are or my own writing is, I will forever be proud of all my characters.
My characters are all so beautiful. Flawed yet perfect.

Clamp Pictures, Images and Photos

And just like CLAMP (my favourite storytellers), I like to experiment as well. I like to combine two different stories and worlds together just to see what I can get. I like to put a character from another story into a whole different story.

I hope that one day, I will be as good as CLAMP, being able to weave different elements into a story to create a beautiful work of art. Most of all, being able to create a good story.

Right now, all I am is an amateur, who is trying to put different elements into a story and is failing miserably. 
I need to do my characters justice. 
I need to be a better writer. 

Anyhow, this is my current lists of stories that have been circling in my head. 
(from most developed to most under developed)
  • World's Apart
  • Xerxes
  • Lunette Anya Lux
  • Nathan and Laura
  • King's Advisor
  • The Drifter
  • Aeon
  • Magica
Yup, I know. I have a lot of stories. But they are my stories. One day, maybe, one day in the future, I will be able to finish them all.

And even when I finish, I hope I will find more stories to write. 

Writing is just my way of living. The more I write, the more I get to live. It's my therapy, it's my expression and it's my babies. 

Everything I write has some symbolic meaning in it. Everything I write has a certain place in my heart and has helped me in certain moments. 

My writing shows my life and everything I have been through. But that's only if you can find the links. 

And I wonder, can you find the links?


Kath Lee said…
AAARGHHH. ALL MY FEELS. I also have a story which I HAVE to finish but I get demotivated everytime when I tried to write it. Staring at the computer screen and IDK what to do with it for some reasons but yeah, I DO really want to finish it. Good or Bad.
carmensakura07 said…
YES, LET'S FINISH OUR STORIES. Let's just force ourselves to write.

No matter what happens, they are our stories. Good or Bad. We will be proud of it.

After all, they are part of us & I don't know about you but they represent me in this moment and have helped me through it.

So no matter what, they will always be a part of us.

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