Showing posts from February, 2013

the ceremony.

Honestly, I did not expect to enjoy it. 
I only went, to take my certificate.

It felt weird to sit there.

Personally, I didn't feel like I deserved it. I did good but not great. Not fantastic. Not something that deserved to be called a high achiever. Not me. Maybe, someone smarter but not me.

But then again, a few days ago, I decided that I would go to the ceremony for myself and for those who tried their best but still tasted the bitter taste of defeat.

I wanted to be proud of myself. I wanted those who cried to still be able to be proud of themselves. I wanted to know that everything would be alright, no matter what.

And so, I went.

True, I saw so many people who did their best and their hard work paid off.
And then, I saw equally, just as many, those who did their best but still did not get what they deserve.

But then, the principal made a speech that made sense. 
This is not the end.
There is so much more to come.

And he was right.
This is only the beginning of something new.
What has happe…

Two of my favourite things.

So, on a lovely Sunday, my friend and I met up. We did two of our favourite things on that lovely day.

First, we had tea and cakes.

Tea, it does wonders. It soothes and calm the soul while revitalizing the body. 
As for cake, it refreshes the body and give it the energy it needs to carry on.
Yes, I love tea and cakes.  We eat it all the time. Only problem is that it makes us broke. LOL.
Then, we went train travelling.

Taking a train to go far, far away.
It was something my friend and I really wanted. But this is reality. There's no ticket to far, far away. The rail tracks do not go on forever as it does reach the end.
But we tried. We took the train to a station that is quite far away. We chose a station that we didn't know. Then, we ride. Until we reach there.
Later, we walk a while and took a taxi to go to a place even further away. Only to come back to the station to talk and wait for the next train. And just like that, we go home.
But I love doing this. So much.
It's as if, time stopped and …

Thanks for the memories.

Some friendships don't work out because one day, you wake up to realize that this is not the friend you need.
All this time, you took it. But now, you realize that you are better than this and you don't need to take their shit. Most of all, it hurts
So, goodbye.
You want to contact me. I let you. But now, you leave me hanging like you always do. This time, I'm not going to look for you like I always do. You want to talk to me, find me.
Make an effort.
Then, maybe, I'll think about it.

For now, take care & have a good life.
So, thanks for the memories.

thanks for the memories,
even though, they weren't so great, 
here, tastes like you,
but only sweeter.


the winds are changing.
I guess, there's a certain fear. Will I still be recognizable by the end of this?
In a way, there's a part of me that doesn't want to change. I want to still be me.
I want to wake up and still be able to recognize myself.
Sometimes, it feels terrible to wake up and to know that your world can change in an instant.
Nothing is certain. It never was. But the realization of this still makes me feel fear.
It feels weird to look at your past and  future at the same time.
To see how far you have come. It makes you proud. And maybe, a little nostalgic.
As for the future, you want to make a decision that would ensure a bright one. you want to make a decision that you can continue to be proud.
It's a weird day.
I feel like I'm seeing both my past self and future self at the same time.

Moving forward.

screw my one post per week. I have something to say and I'll say it now. forgive me if it seems incoherent. 

Seeing all my friends move on or move forward in life is good. I'm so glad that they are. Just like them, I'm moving forward too.
I hope that we can move forward in life together. I really hope so.
Anyhow, I hope that all of us can become stronger and fight for whatever we dream of. I hope that we can be happy in the life we lead. I hope I can be there for them just like how they have been there for me.
As for friendships, when we find friends that are dear to us and can accept us for who we are, we'll appreciate them. And so, I'll appreciate every friend I have.
I will do as what I have always done. Be nice, be supporting and be me. That's the only way to make new friends, keep and reconnect with old ones. To be sincere is the best way.
I'm thankful for having great friends. I know I'm not alone. for the first time,in a long time.
For the first time, after a…

What a week it has been.

This is going to be a long post. So be warned.

It has been a very turbulent week. There were some good moments and some bad moments. 

Bad moments when my head seems to spin and my thoughts drown me. Moments where I needed to be left alone but unfortunately, this is the time to socialize with relatives.

Good moments when I start to see the light again and my thoughts slowly fade away. Moments where I actually felt happy.

Anyhow, I actually invited friends over for Steamboat during the Chinese New Year. This is rare because, I usually don't invite anyone over. By the way, HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR, people~~!

It was fun and I enjoyed my time. I feel honored that they think my house look like a Japanese house (compact and systematic). Frankly, I think it's just messy. That's why I hardly invite anyone over but I'm honored.

Most of all, I like Winnie's idea of writing right now. Creating a character that represent you or rather, creating a whole new you.
It's my current obses…

A vow to myself.

My dear friend, Winnie suggested that we write vows to ourselves. I accept this and so now, I shall write them.

These are my promises to myself and I really wish that, I will be able to keep them. All of it.

I will live the best life I can.
I choose to be happy.
I will always do my best.
I will never ever give up.
I won't compare myself with others.
I won't listen to people's mockery.
I will love myself because if I don't, who will.
I will always remember to love others and be there for them too.
I will appreciate all the little moments.
I will keep growing and learning to be a better person.
I will spread happiness if I can.
I will remember all my passion and never let them go.
I will be grateful for everything that comes my way.
I will not let the painful world make me bitter.
I will remember that I'm never alone.
I will live my life on my own terms.

May I be able to keep these promises to myself so that I can be happy and proud with this life of mine.

Thank you to Winnie for makin…

What is there to say?

I guess I'm in a very dark place in my head.
I thought I was getting better, cheering up.
But something happened which I'm not completely sure myself and I fallen into a darker pit.

All I know is that I'm not alright.

I want to recover. I want to be happy but for some reason, it's very hard right now.
I didn't know that when I made my new year resolution, it would be so hard to keep.

I guess, I have never been so upset in my entire life.

If anime, writing and abridged series can't help me, then, I truly have really fallen into a pit darker than ever before. 
And that's the truth.

I don't know what will happen now on or when I can truly smile from the bottom of my heart.
I hope things will get better soon. I can hope.

And to make things worse, I have to decide between a broken dream and a painful reality.
What decision would you make if you were in my ugly shoes?

so yea.

Ps, sorry for my sad crappy ramblings. 

Things of the past.

I read a friend's blog about her finding memories on old friendships.

Instantly, it made me think of her. Jun-chan.

How is it that so much has changed when once upon a time, we used to laugh and cry together?
How is it that our ties were severed so badly when once upon a time, we called each other sisters?

How could it have gone so wrong and so bad?

Of all the friendships, it is hers that I missed the most.

It does hurt from time to time when I think about her.
It does hurt to know that we are no longer so close.

I wish we could still be close but the reality isn't so. It's unfortunate but it's the truth.
I'll miss her and she'll always have a place in my heart.
I know I probably mean nothing to her now but, it makes me happy that, once upon a time, I meant something to her.

It's nice to read those old posts about me. It's really nice. In a way, it's just traces of the past. Of what it used to be.
Even though, we are not close now. It's still nice to see th…


I just want to dedicate today's post to my friends.

Thank you for being my friend. Thank you so much.

I wonder if they know how important they are to me. So now, I want them to know.

I read another friend's blog, stating that it is nice to know that someone wrote about her in her blog. And I agree.

So, I just want to return the favor.

Min min, Winnie, Emma & Bing Bing. Thank you for sticking with me till the end in A-levels.

Thank you for being there for me.

You guys are one of the most amazing bunch ever. Seriously. I love you guys. I really hope that we can be friends forever but if, in the future, our friendship gets severed, just know  that, there's always a place in my heart for you guys.

Thank you for showing me kindness and for giving me the friendship that I always longed.

As for my other friends, thank you for your friendship too as without you, I will not be what I am today as well.