This year, I will be turning 21 years old.
Legally, it means that I am an adult now.
A real adult that the law can prosecute if I did any crime.
But turning 21 scares me.
I know that it's just a number but it isn't just a number to me.
I will be an adult soon.
And I guess, I don't want to grow up.
I see friends of the same age as me having jobs, graduated or working and studying at the same time.
I feel like they are in a whole different universe from me.
I feel like I am not there yet and I don't want to be there.
Yes, I am currently studying but I do have loads of fun.
I read, write and go on the internet alot.
I enjoy getting so involve in a story that nothing else matters and reality melts away.
I enjoy ranting on the internet about stupid silly things.
I enjoy watching the same stupid videos on the internet that I have watched a million times.
I enjoy being in my own head.
I don't want to grow up.
I don't want to have responsibilities.
I just want to let loose and have fun.
I guess, I am afraid that growing up means that the fun dies, the curiosity stops and the ability to see the wonder or beauty in things disappear.
And I don't want that to happen.
Because that will mean killing me.
And being dead would be better than me being a completely dull strict person.
That is why I don't want to grow up.