Skip to main content

Growing up?



Recently, I visited a friend in a hospital with other friends because she had dengue fever. As I visited her in the hospital, all of a sudden, I felt very grown up. 

Maybe, it's because most of my university classmates are turning 21 this year and I can tell that some of them takes it seriously. They do throw parties and such.

I turned 21 last year however, it never quite mean anything to me because I didn't have time to think about it. I had to focus on my exams and so that drowned out all thoughts about turning 21.

Even though I did turn 21 and that was supposed to signify that I have now become a grown up but I never quite felt like an adult.

Well, I wouldn't say that I feel like a child or a teenager. But I feel like I am in between the transition of a teenager and an adult. I am neither here or there.
And at first, I did feel left out because through facebook, I could see that most of my high school classmates have grown into adults through their dressings and certain mannerisms.

And then, there was me.
Still clad in my t-shirt and jeans.
Still rocking out to my favourite music.
Still watching my anime.

Point is, it doesn't seem like I changed alot, externally.

However, I have to admit that I have changed alot internally.
Going through A-levels opened up my eyes in so much ways.
And then I'm currently doing my degree, that has also opened up my mind in ways I couldn't imagine. 

Internally I changed so much that sometimes it surprises me. It just feels that I am so far away from my past but at the same time, not. 
I know that sentence is contradictory but that's because as much as I have changed and as much as that is very different from my past, it isn't. The reason for that is because, the change that I had is me becoming who I truly am.

I have begun to embrace myself, weirdness and all. I stopped hiding the fact that I am flawed and weird. In a way, I accepted myself. Flaw and all.

I didn't accept myself in the past. I just thought that I accepted myself but I didn't but I was slowly getting there. 

Anyway, I digress. I felt grown up all of sudden and it was a really interesting feeling. I was also oddly enough very comfortable with that thought.

Even though I didn't quite have absolute control of my life yet but I did feel that my life is in my hands and my future is for me to make.
And that feels absolutely exciting, electric and exhilarating.
But of course, I am not without fears and doubts.

I am only human but the excitement and exhilaration is much higher than the fears and doubts.
Who knows what will happen from now on but I know that I will definitely enjoy the ride.  

Comments

Happy "Sam" said…
Wa !!
Last years i just get dengue fever ....
At hospital stay 1 week. :(

A lot of case already ...
Don't worry !
Slowly enjoy and suit to it.

Example like marry life become father now ~~
^_^

hehe !!
CNY Coming !!
Time to see a lot my cousin grow up and happy ~~
文儀 said…
I thinkI still need more time to figure things out for myself. As for now I don't feel really an adult but I have never feel like a kid years ago. So I am not sure if I am suppose to feel anything

Popular posts from this blog

An open letter to the scared and confused dreamers.

This is a letter for myself. But this is also a letter for those who find themselves in the same place as I am.

I'm going to admit that life is different from what I initially thought when I was younger.

When I was younger, I assumed that by now, I would have reached or be somewhat close to the life of my dreams.

But now that I reach this point, I realised that I was wrong. I did not take into account that tertiary education took years. Personally, I don't regret my tertiary education because I did enjoy it. Yes, it was insane and difficult but it was fun and I met amazing people there.

It's been a year since my graduation and I find myself being frustrated. I felt disappointed in myself because no, I don't have my own apartment and no, I'm not rocking that cool ass job that I always  dreamed of. But no, I don't hate my job either. In that sense, I'm fortunate I suppose. But I feel that it may not be the kind of thing that I want to do.

However, for me, to get t…

Alter ego, SUIT UP!!

Man, it feels odd to have people believe in you at the very moment you do not trust yourself. It feels odd to hear people's praises of you when you're feeling incapable. So I guess, it's time for one of my many alter ego to suit up if I wanna win that debate competition!!

Like any other person, I have many alter ego's...and I'm gonna list most of them today.


Ms Drama Queen
Likes :Attention and spotlight. She's a diva.
Dislikes :People stealing her spotlight or not getting her spotlight.
She is : A real drama queen. She whines & complains alot though. She thinks that the world revolves around her.
Can't handle :Ms Productive


Ms Arrogant
Likes : Winning, winning and winning.
Dislikes : Losing and losers.
She is : A real mean arrogant person. She really doesn't care about the other people. She thinks she is the best. Mostly, she thinks that her opponents aren't even her equal unless they have proven otherwise. Even then, she still thinks she is better than …

Growing up, closure and an interview.

I guess it's time I grow up. When high school is over, I have to grow up, be a mature and a responsible little young lady.
There's alot of things I have to learn.

To be honest, I'm a little afraid of leaving graduating from high school.
WHY?
I mean, I've been going to school for years. And the thought that it will finally end is a relief but also a little frightening.

But it's a new chapter in life. Everyone goes through it. So yea, I'm afraid but excited at the same time. There's so much to do after the graduating. College, driver licence & etc...

I guess I'll miss high school a little. Never thought it would end...but yea, it will soon enough.

Before I left high school, I need some closure. I mean, I made some friends & lost some friends. I do have some regrets. I was such an idiot and arrogant ass last time.
So yea, before high school end, I need to send some letters to the few people I hurt.



But I guess, that's high school. You make a hell lot of…