Skip to main content

Staring at your past self.

I found this song randomly on the internet.
And I found that I really like it.

I couldn't exactly pin point why I like it at first.
And then, through, the lyrics, I suddenly saw why.

Funnily enough, this song managed to say exactly how I felt in the past.
A long time ago.
It was so long ago, that even I almost forgot about it.

This song says exactly how I used to feel.
It's weird though.
It's so long ago.
And this song seems to be stirring something old and odd in me.

I can't quite make it out.
I been listening to it non-stop, hoping that it will inspire me or something.
Because this song makes me feel like inspiration is coming.
But at the same time, I can't help that inspiration won't come from this song.

If anything, maybe, this song is just reminding me how I used my old ugly dark emotions as an inspiration.
This song makes me want to write about something dark but sadly, I am no longer at that part of my life so I can't write something dark.

Other than that, this song makes me feel like I'm staring right at my past self.
I can see her.
I can see her, hiding herself.
I can see her, angry and afraid.
I can see her, being absolutely tired.

It's weird. I'm staring right at her and I ask myself, if I could really see my past self, what would say to her?

I end up, feeling like I have nothing to say because I know that she would need to go through all of that pain.
I know that life would be painful at times to her and she will make ugly mistakes that she will regret in the future.
But I do not want to correct her at all.
Because she needs them in order to grow and get better.

But I also want her to know that things will get better.
Life would be unexpected and she may not get what she wants.
But life would be beautiful and she'll be happy at the end of the day.

So in the end, if I do get to see my past self, I'll most probably just smile and say, "Enjoy every moment. Good and bad."

Vague advice? Maybe. But that will be what I want to say to her.


Popular posts from this blog

Much Ado About Our Healthcare

During this week, something terrible but hilarious when you looked back, happened to me.

It was a normal Monday morning. It was close to the end of the month, so I was awaiting for my salary to come in. I was just trying to just hold on till the end of the month. Typical monday. Nothing eventful yet.

Then, it was lunchtime.
I went to lunch with my colleagues.
I ordered myself a lovely nasi kukus with ikan keli. That means steamed rice with catfish for those of you who don't read malay. 

One of my colleague often order this and it always looked good so I decided to give it a try.

Bad mistake.

I ended up having a fishbone stuck in my throat. When you think of it, it's pretty silly. But it scared the living daylights out of me at that moment. I tried swallowing rice to push the fishbone down but after half a bowl later, I found it to be not working.

I heard from my dad when I was younger that, if a fishbone get stuck in your throat, you had to do an operation. And that only fueled my fea…

An open letter to the scared and confused dreamers.

This is a letter for myself. But this is also a letter for those who find themselves in the same place as I am.

I'm going to admit that life is different from what I initially thought when I was younger.

When I was younger, I assumed that by now, I would have reached or be somewhat close to the life of my dreams.

But now that I reach this point, I realised that I was wrong. I did not take into account that tertiary education took years. Personally, I don't regret my tertiary education because I did enjoy it. Yes, it was insane and difficult but it was fun and I met amazing people there.

It's been a year since my graduation and I find myself being frustrated. I felt disappointed in myself because no, I don't have my own apartment and no, I'm not rocking that cool ass job that I always  dreamed of. But no, I don't hate my job either. In that sense, I'm fortunate I suppose. But I feel that it may not be the kind of thing that I want to do.

However, for me, to get t…

Design Thinking and Steve Jobs

This is going to be a long post and I apologize. 

Anyway my department meeting yesterday talked about design thinking and it only reminded me of Steve Jobs.

I have always loved Apple and Steve Jobs. I know Steve Jobs wasn't the greatest guy ever. He could have been nicer and etc. But this is not about that. This is about his vision, his beliefs and philosophy. I never quite realised how much I believed in Steve Jobs philosophy until I sat down and thought about it. 

I admired Steve Jobs philosophy of design first. I don't know if he was the first guy who made design thinking into a thing. Or if he is the one who popularize that thinking?

Minimalism. Simplicity. Clean. Aesthetics. User friendly. He made sure Apple designs abide by this. And this is what I have always loved about Apple. He made technology sexy, beautiful and cool. 

I never quite realised that I, myself, believed in these values.

But today, as I sat down and think, I realised that, the older I grow, the more I have tu…