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Showing posts from February, 2017

My gift and my curse

My mind.
It will forever be my gift and my curse.

My gift
Because it allows me to think
To have clarity
To create
To discuss
To feel
To be me.

But it's my curse
Because it makes my head spin
It can make me sick
It can make me want to scream
It can make me want to drop everything and run

And this will forever for me to bear.

I always assumed that it would get better as I grew older.

And although it did get slightly better, it is not because I was older.

It's just that as you grow older, you learn to handle it better.
You learn to cope
and it's something you'll have to keep learning

Because triggers will continue to change
So coping mechanisms always has to evolve too.

And this is just my life.

And I will continue to do my best.


My family recently are planning a trip to the UK. 
It's gonna be expensive.
And it's been a huge headache lately.
We haven't planned.

But planning with my parents gives me a headache and it annoys me.
As for financially, it hurts me to watch a year of savings go down the drain for one trip.

This is why travel will not be a priority for now.

Don't get me wrong.
I do enjoy travelling.
Does it broaden my mind?
Yes it does.

But I don't like the idea of saving every penny and then spending it all on a few days.
Not my idea of fun.
If anything, it feels like a heartbreak.

This is why travel to me is a luxury for now.

I am not saying I don't want to travel.

I am saying I prioritise other things for now.

I want to be able to increase my earning power more first.
I want to focus on my career and other aspects of my life. 

Because I want to be able to travel with ease.
I don't want to save each penny and spend it with caution at the back of my head.

I want to spend it like it…

Writing & Me

Recently, I joined this organisation where I help to write anime reviewing articles. They claim to be this cool start up where hopefully this is something we can do for a living. Honestly, would I like that sort of living? I’m not sure but I thought to myself, since I like anime, it’s something I could try. I am slightly beginning to feel that this organisation and I aren’t going to work out. Why do I say that? Well, my writing is not for hire. I do not write in order to please people. Hence, I do not give a damn if my style isn’t “accurate” or “formal”. When I write, I write for myself first. I write to express myself. The reason why I write is because I have a lot on my mind. Writing is something very sacred to me. So don’t blame me if I hold on tight to it and act defensive about it. You have to understand that when I was younger, I felt that I shouldn’t write because I wasn’t an author. And even if I wrote, I was no one. I was nothing. I understand that my writing as a child was shall…

La La Land

I absolutely adore this movie.

I love everything about it.
Even the heartbreaking ending that made me tear up in the cinema.

I love La La Land for bringing back the charming classic hollywood with a musical twist. 
I love how the characters break out in songs and dances every once in a while.

I even love the way the film was directed. To portray how Hollywood was magical and how the characters were wrapped up in their own dreams, it felt both electric and surreal. 

I also love how the two main characters stated that they wouldn't fall in love with each other and yet, cliche as it is, they fell in love with each other.

But what I wanted to talk about is Mia and Seb's relationship.

How it's was beautifully done
How when they fell in love, they were both happy and delirious in their own world.
And then, life came along.
He felt obliged to get a "steady" job.
But she just wanted to be happy and to achieve his dream.

Because of that, they fought.
But that was kinda like the beginni…