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Showing posts from June, 2017

Oh my love

I know.  I been blogging way too much about my relationship lately. And I'm sorry. But I can't quite help it.
We just reached our second anniversary.  Yes, we been together for two years. It sounds like a long time, doesn't it?
When I think about my relationship, all I can say is that we are interesting and slightly different. Because no, we aren't the cute adorable, can't get keep our hands off each other couple. 
We are more of the best friend and partner in crime sort of relationship. 
And I think it's crazy how he's such a great guy. Not that he doesn't have flaws. He totally does.
It's crazy how he was committed from day 1. And when I asked why.  He said that I felt serious and real. And I never quite understood it.
But it's because of his deep commitment from day 1 that has allowed me to fall so deep without much fear.
I have to say that he taught to me to love. He showed me what a real relationship was like.
This relationship hasn't been easy for me in …

Of youth, dreams and darkness

Stare at the abyss below. Look at the stars above you. Now take a deep breath and jump. 

So I did.

Or rather I will.

My current job is under a one year contract and I just told my supervisor that I won't be renewing my contract or accepting the permanent job that is offered here.

This means, in about two weeks, I would be unemployed.

True, it's scary to do so. But I decided that I want to look for another job. Of course the main fear would be, what if no one wants to employ me at all. And honestly, does that scare me? Absolutely.  

Let me just say that I have been relatively stressed for a few weeks now because the clock ticks and yet, I have no job offers yet. And I'm simply afraid.

However, ever since I told my supervisor, I felt somehow liberated. Yes, the fear is there but yet, there's a huge underlying feeling where things are just gonna be okay. I don't know how but I feel it in my bones.

I have no idea what kind of future jobs will come my way. But to be honest, I t…

Anger

Anger.

It will always be something I struggle with.

And currently, it's in full force.

This anger has made it hard for me to breathe, to think and to do anything at all.

It's like there's an eternal fire in my chest and my mind.

Although I have had anger all my life, I must admit my anger management is still shit.

I really try to sit it out and hope it goes away.

For minor things, it does go away eventually.

But not now, not today.

This anger has been here for weeks now. 

And it only grows like a rolling stone down a hill. 
It only grows stronger and bigger.

I am still figuring it out.

Hopefully, I would figure it out okay

An open letter to the scared and confused dreamers.

This is a letter for myself. But this is also a letter for those who find themselves in the same place as I am.

I'm going to admit that life is different from what I initially thought when I was younger.

When I was younger, I assumed that by now, I would have reached or be somewhat close to the life of my dreams.

But now that I reach this point, I realised that I was wrong. I did not take into account that tertiary education took years. Personally, I don't regret my tertiary education because I did enjoy it. Yes, it was insane and difficult but it was fun and I met amazing people there.

It's been a year since my graduation and I find myself being frustrated. I felt disappointed in myself because no, I don't have my own apartment and no, I'm not rocking that cool ass job that I always  dreamed of. But no, I don't hate my job either. In that sense, I'm fortunate I suppose. But I feel that it may not be the kind of thing that I want to do.

However, for me, to get t…

New story

If anyone is interested, I wrote a new short story.
It's about a girl who is reminiscing about her past love. How he could have been the one. But he isn't.
You can read it here