Skip to main content

Of youth, dreams and darkness



Stare at the abyss below. Look at the stars above you. Now take a deep breath and jump. 

So I did.

Or rather I will.

My current job is under a one year contract and I just told my supervisor that I won't be renewing my contract or accepting the permanent job that is offered here.

This means, in about two weeks, I would be unemployed.

True, it's scary to do so. But I decided that I want to look for another job. Of course the main fear would be, what if no one wants to employ me at all. And honestly, does that scare me? Absolutely.  

Let me just say that I have been relatively stressed for a few weeks now because the clock ticks and yet, I have no job offers yet. And I'm simply afraid.

However, ever since I told my supervisor, I felt somehow liberated. Yes, the fear is there but yet, there's a huge underlying feeling where things are just gonna be okay. I don't know how but I feel it in my bones.

I have no idea what kind of future jobs will come my way. But to be honest, I think there's nothing wrong with taking time off to reevaluate your life. To see if this is where you want to go.

I'm really big with personal happiness. So it doesn't matter what people wants. The question is, what do you want?

And true, it's complicated because we all want so much. Or worse, we don't know what we want. 

But I really do believe in taking our time and figuring it all out. We have a lifetime ahead of us. Might as well try to enjoy the ride.

So now, all I can do is to apply for more jobs.

So I will plunge soon and although it's scary, I'm glad I'm doing it.

I'm still young. I have time on my side. Most of all, I feel like I'm in charge of my life. I feel empowered because since I don't like my current job scope, I'm actually stopping and taking time to figure my personal interests and liking.

Like I have always said, this is our life. We should figure it out.

I must admit my privilege though no matter how small it is. I must admit that I am fortunate to have a family who will look after me in my unemployment period. I do feel slightly guilty for becoming a burden soon. But I think it'll be better to be a burden now than to be an angry, upset and dead in my heart. Because when I'm in a bad mood, I'm absolutely a horrible person towards people and that includes my family.

Hence, I wouldn't want that.

Well, I truly am not sure how things are going to turn out but I'm optimistic nonetheless.

Although years have passed since I turned 16, I can only do what my 16 year old self did which is dream.

I can only continue being optimistic and dreaming of the future that I want.

Only difference is now, I can also work towards this future. 

As I write this, I'm listening to a song. I hope, just like this song, I will arrive to the place I want to be in. Or rather, there's a place for me in the future, just waiting for me. Just for me.

And so, I close my eyes. Hold my heart. Pray for the best. And continue moving forward. 

Comments

Happy "Sam" said…
hehe !!
Time go very fast !!
Slowly you will become 30 years old soon !!
then I am 40 years old ....
haha!!

I also wish to choose the jobs that i like but ... no choice ..
Parents retire already.
My kids need me .....
This and that ....
No choose work first then slowly find got better offer or not.
wakakak !!!

Popular posts from this blog

Dear me,

I watched an anime where a girl managed to write a letter to her past self of ten years. True, that's not possible in reality but the concept of that is interesting. She wrote to her ten years younger self to avoid her regrets. She wanted her past self to change certain decisions in the past so that her current self won't have any regrets.

Personally, I wouldn't want to tell my past self to change her decisions to avoid regrets. Do I have regrets? Yes. But I won't change them because I learnt from them. And that has been grow as a person. So I don't quite regret that.

However, if I could write a letter to my past self, it would be fun. If I were to write to my ten years younger self, that would be my 13 year old self. And this is what I would love to say.

Dear me,

Hello there. This is your 23 year old self. I know, it's unbelievable. You can barely imagine yourself at that age currently. 
I still remember being 13. Vaguely. My memory isn't that great.

But I remem…

An open letter to the scared and confused dreamers.

This is a letter for myself. But this is also a letter for those who find themselves in the same place as I am.

I'm going to admit that life is different from what I initially thought when I was younger.

When I was younger, I assumed that by now, I would have reached or be somewhat close to the life of my dreams.

But now that I reach this point, I realised that I was wrong. I did not take into account that tertiary education took years. Personally, I don't regret my tertiary education because I did enjoy it. Yes, it was insane and difficult but it was fun and I met amazing people there.

It's been a year since my graduation and I find myself being frustrated. I felt disappointed in myself because no, I don't have my own apartment and no, I'm not rocking that cool ass job that I always  dreamed of. But no, I don't hate my job either. In that sense, I'm fortunate I suppose. But I feel that it may not be the kind of thing that I want to do.

However, for me, to get t…

Alter ego, SUIT UP!!

Man, it feels odd to have people believe in you at the very moment you do not trust yourself. It feels odd to hear people's praises of you when you're feeling incapable. So I guess, it's time for one of my many alter ego to suit up if I wanna win that debate competition!!

Like any other person, I have many alter ego's...and I'm gonna list most of them today.


Ms Drama Queen
Likes :Attention and spotlight. She's a diva.
Dislikes :People stealing her spotlight or not getting her spotlight.
She is : A real drama queen. She whines & complains alot though. She thinks that the world revolves around her.
Can't handle :Ms Productive


Ms Arrogant
Likes : Winning, winning and winning.
Dislikes : Losing and losers.
She is : A real mean arrogant person. She really doesn't care about the other people. She thinks she is the best. Mostly, she thinks that her opponents aren't even her equal unless they have proven otherwise. Even then, she still thinks she is better than …